AlohaTube BBW

Big beautiful women! What’s wrong with them? I want them. Put them all on my face. Just don’t drop them too quickly, lest you break off my jaw. Look, the larger a woman is, the less fuckable she is, that’s just a fact of life, but I’m not here to judge your fetishes. There’s such a thing as a fuckable chubster, and that’s precisely how the BBW genre was born. AlohaTube is far from anyone’s first go-to for random porn videos, especially with the more popular porn tubes looming over these sites like the Grim fucking Reaper. But, AlohaTube is still doing a great fucking job with their BBW section, and I’m personally quite taken aback by the sheer quantity of pussy on this site.

So, what’s the BBW section on AlohaTube all about? Oddly enough, it’s a mixed bag, and that’s exactly what makes it so precious. When you narrow in on a single website that produces BBW content, you only really get the type of women that the director or the casting agent considers big and beautiful. They’re all kind of similar. At the very least, they fall under the same weight class. Well, you get none of that bullshit on AlohaTube’s BBW section. Why? Because this content is thrown into the barrel at random, and no one really cares how carefully it’s curated. Usually, that would be a bad thing. But in the case of the BBW bitches it’s a pro, not a con.

Also, I’m perfectly aware that “BBW bitches” spell out “big beautiful women bitches” and that’s retarded, but how the fuck else am I supposed to call them bitches without using the whole damn genre acronym? If they had just called them big beautiful bitches, to begin with, then the acronym would be “BBB,” and that would be so much better, but what-fucking-ever. I wasn’t consulted on the decision back when the porn gods invented this genre, so get off my case. I’ll call them BBW bitches, and you’ll get the fuck over it.

Slide Your Cock into a Walrus

I’m sorry about giving you attitude; it’s just that I’m running on like seven coffees right now, and I haven’t slept in for two days. These fucking BBW bitches have me in a fucking daze. I usually don’t give a flying fuck about any woman who isn’t a size zero unless she’s got cans to back up the weight. But, the big beautiful cunts on AlohaTube’s BBW section are worth the fap. I have done nothing but masturbate to land whales for the past three days. That was a Team Fortress reference, in case you didn’t catch it.

Anyways, it would appear that on AlohaTube, BBW is sort of a catch-all that means “something massive this way comes,” i.e., not all the bitches across this section are fat. Hell, some of them are pretty damn slender. But they’ve all got some weight to back it up. Whether they’ve got a gigantic ass, massive triple D jugs, or a belly the size of a barrel, they end up here. Hell, some hit the mark for all three. And others look like they’re so morbidly obese they might die if you fuck them too hard. Don’t want to put too much pressure on that heart; you know what I’m saying? Cardiac arrest is a bitch.

Anyways, my point is: this is not a fat section; it’s a large section. That’s why you get a bit of randomness with your selection and why I particularly appreciate this place.

The Good, the Bad, and the Fuck Ugly

This being a massive umbrella genre, you’re going to see a lot of variety across all other genre categories because that’s how porn works. AlohaTube’s BBW section is riddled with bitches of all ages and, oddly enough, all sizes as well. But we covered this. They all bring the weight to back it up. Now, here’s where things get interesting. Apparently, becoming morbidly obese isn’t particularly easy. Plus, you have to be a fucking mongoloid to try becoming obese on purpose. Most of these bitches ended up in porn after becoming obese, not the other way around. Skinny bitches make the big bucks.

Anyways, this has led to a sort of unintended consequence. The fatter a bitch is, the older she is, usually. That’s the case if you draw an average across the site. Granted, I didn’t vet all the tens of thousands of videos on AlohaTube but trust me, I saw enough of them to know that this is, in fact, the case. Natural obesity in average bitches usually happens as a result of self-neglect and/or medical issues that come with age. So, the truly morbidly obese bitches on this site are in their 40s or 50s. The fat ones are around 30. The ones with massive jugs and asses might be in their 20s. You get the idea. To be an enormous landwhale, one must have spent many years becoming an enormous landwhale first.

One thing that really pisses me off about the genuinely massive bitches on this site is that most of them have ridiculously terrible asses. Seriously, they’re the kind of cardboard-ass looking booties that you wouldn’t swing a dildo at, let alone stick your dick into. Luckily, most of them are so fucking hungry all the time that they can’t resist taking the cocks in their mouths instead, so you can just fap to that part. Skip the vaginal and anal penetration. These asses will give you nightmares. The tits are pretty dank, though, not going to lie.

Only For Real BBW Lovers

I came to understand that to truly enjoy fapping on AlohaTube’s BBW section more than once, you have to be a BBW appreciator; otherwise, you risk scarring yourself for life. For reference, I don’t like fat bitches. I like my bitches starved. Anyways, I’ve been fapping to this content for the past three days, and now, well, I’m definitely feeling my overall cortisol levels at an all-time high. I think I might need to slip into an induced coma to get back to baseline. This content is pretty damn fucked up if you’re not used to fucking fat chicks.

Then again, I know that there are millions of dudes out there who exclusively fap to fat chicks because that’s how fetishes work, apparently. But like I said, I’m not here to judge. I’m only here to review, and review I shall. This website is loaded to the brim with fat bitches that would most likely decimate the average mattress if you went at them too harshly. Do yourself a favor. If you ever end up fucking a girl that looks like any of the bitches on this site, plow her in the bathtub or on some sort of prison bed made out of steel because there’s no way a regular mattress is going to survive the impact.

Some Technical Stuff

It can’t all be sugar and rainbows; I have to talk about the boring stuff too. There’s not going to be a lot of pussy talk after this point, so if you made it this far and you want to avoid being bored to death, skip this paragraph and just, well, go fap to fat bitches already.

AlohaTube does a decent job with the cataloging of these videos and the overall design of the results pages. They load quickly, and they look great. Most of the screen space is reserved for thumbnails, as it should be, and browsing is a breeze. They should consider adding automated video loading on scroll down, so you don’t have to jump pages, but hey, this is fine enough as it is.

On the flip side, the actual video playback pages are hot garbage. There are too many ads on the screen, and the overall design looks like something out of the 90s. It’s all just a bit out of proportion. I mean, every element on the screen is out of proportion. The videos don’t fit in the video box; the thumbnails don’t fit in the thumbnail divider. And the title looks weird and janky inside its frame and so on. The whole damn page looks like a cardiac arrest, which is funny to me because fat chicks usually die of those.

As a final point, I’ll note that when you actually load a video, all the recommendations lead you out of the BBW section, which is a massive oversight in my mind. If you came here for the BBW, you should be shown more BBW. So, you technically have to watch a video, then back out to the previous page every single time. It’s a bit of a “bruh” moment.