Boobify

Boobify sums up their service in a few words out on their front page: "Our boobs, your text." There are only so many ways those two things can be combined, so your head doesn't have too many directions to spin in as you wonder what it is they're really selling. Words and breasts have always been a fine combination, as any poet or writer of literary erotica would be quick to tell you in the most flowery of terms. Honestly, it's a wonder nobody thought to build this website sooner. Boobify.club was only registered in 2018, and their current setup is even younger than that. I bet some of you would still argue that this is a timeless service; you could have sold this in the earliest days of the written word, and the horny spacemen of tomorrow are going to love it just as much.

I'm dancing around the topic a bit because I'm trying not to blow my load too fast, but the truth is, Boobify.club is a simple concept that doesn't take much brainpower to comprehend. This is how it works: you can pay babes with sexy bodies to write things on those sexy bodies. The site was inactive for a while, but they came back online with an automated service a few months ago. So it seemed like the perfect time for me to take a look and see what they had to offer.

Joining the Boobify Club

The basic idea behind Boobify Club isn't all that groundbreaking or world-shattering. Years ago, I paid some big-titted babe on Fivver to write my buddy's name across her chest for his birthday. I just tried to find that listing or a similar one on the same site, but I couldn't pull anything up. What Boobify has that's unavailable elsewhere is that centralized marketplace for models offering this service and nothing else. That makes it a lot easier than searching a platform like Fivver, Craigslist, or Reddit, where folks are hawking all kinds of goods. Keep in mind that not all markets allow adult content in the first place, which makes the search even more difficult. Are you trying to get banned from Facebook again?

They lay out the simple three-step process on the front page. "Think up your message," they begin, illustrating the step with a pair of chat bubbles. "The magic starts here, the words make difference. Think of your best motto." A credit card icon represents the Pay Securely step, followed by an extended hand holding a heart representing the glorious end step: Share It. "Let your boobify come into the world. Get to collecting smiles, likes and claps, Enjoy!"

I looked around for a Terms of Service so I could see if there were any rules and regulations about what you were allowed to write. Custom t-shirt and corporate swag companies will often reject phrasing with objectionable language, but what's really distasteful to a crowd getting slogans markered onto a pretty girl's succulent ass cheek? I was also curious if the resulting images could be used as ads and whether or not the purchaser owned the copyright and could do whatever they wanted.

As a porn webmaster (and the guy behind the PornWebmasters website), I often have to worry about shit like intellectual property. From that perspective, I wish I could have found more documentation about what you could do with those Boobify.club images and who owns them. Well, the chances are, it's a non-issue. That said, most users aren't going to give a fuck at all and are just going to do what they like with the pics, and it won't matter in any way. You're just sending them to the family, right?

Boobs, Words, and Butts, Too

So you've got your slogan dreamed up, and you're ready to see it written on a babe, but there's still another choice to make. You'll have your pick of a range of different models. Now, the site's current incarnation is still young, so there's still a limited menu of babes. As of this writing, there are just nine women listed. They are actively seeking new models, though. So if you're interested in showing off your body and making some money, look for the Enroll As Model button at the bottom of the Boobify Club front page.

While the current selection is relatively small, it is a nice lineup with some good variety. The current top model is a 24-year-old Bulgarian chick named Starryeyed. You can't actually see any of the models' faces in the preview shows, so I can't tell you about her eyes, but her body is smoking. There's also a Latina MILF from Argentina, a ripe twenty-year-old Italian beauty, and a submissive babe from Greece whose motto is, "I like to be told what to do." The selection is rounded out by a Venezuelan teen, an ebony bombshell, and a babe who offers no personal information besides a screen name, age, and beautiful round ass with BOOBIFY scrawled in thick black ink across its kissable, mouthwatering surface.

I'm not sure if there will be more range in prices as the site expands, but all of the current Boobify Club models offer the same prices. You can get a photo with text on the boobies or booty for fourteen bones, or twenty-four if you'd prefer a video of the model dancing with the words on the B-parts mentioned above. It's definitely worth mentioning that nudity isn't included in the standard price. That'll be a ten-dollar add-on when you get to the next screen. You can also request a custom dress for a fiver or get priority delivery for a couple of bucks. There's also a one-dollar service fee tacked onto the whole thing, so remember to factor a stack of quarters into your calculations.

Like any decent marketplace, Boobify users can leave reviews of their purchases. I love seeing this feature anywhere. Most of the big clip store and OnlyFans membership-style sites skip the review sections because they can fuck up sales, so it's nice to see it here; it feels like a commitment to honesty. Unfortunately, the site is still young, and most girls don't have reviews. The reviews I did see were simple and universally positive, though, like the five-star reviewer who wrote that Jasmine offered "Good pose." Good poses are precisely what you want in a service like this. Well, that and the ability to copy letters in the same order you wrote them.

Something to Burn Your Doge Winnings On

When you get to the Payment portion of your Boobify Club visit, you'll get shuffled over to Coinbase. It's the only form of payment they accept, which will be a bummer for anybody who either doesn't understand crypto or just doesn't want to fuck with it. The good news is that since you're going through Coinbase, you can pay with a wide range of crypto. Everybody knows bitcoin, plus they'll take Ethereum, Litecoin, USD coin, Dai, and bitcoin cash. Yes, Musk fanboys, dogecoin is on the list, too, so go ahead and make a goofy-ass meme out of the photo you buy from Boobify.

It really says a lot about a site when the worst thing I can say about it is just that they only take crypto. Unfortunately, that will make the site a lot less accessible to people who aren't nerds, neckbeards, or Redditors, and are probably cutting deeply into their profits. Perhaps we'll see them accept more traditional forms of payment in the future, but for now, some of you will have to contend with that slight learning curve that comes with all this weird new fake money.

The only other downside to Boobify.Club is just that, as such a new site, their offerings aren't as fleshed out as they could be. Everything is set up nicely, though, with the infrastructure in place for a damn fine marketplace for slogans written on naked, gorgeous women. The current offerings are still a little slim, but I'm looking forward to seeing how this one fills out as they attract more models to the service. So, ladies, consider getting it on this game!