Femjoy

Fem Joy! I’m not sure if you know this about your old friend The Porn Dude, but I’m something of an art connoisseur. When I’m not masturbating furiously to free creampie tubes and premium lesbian gangbangs, I like to appreciate the creative expression of human skill and imagination, particularly within the visual media. I like artistic nude photography of beautiful women, fine erotica featuring gorgeous sluts, and skillfully crafted films depicting the perfect female form in various states of undress. If you’re into that highbrow shit, too, FemJoy might be your type of place.

FemJoy.com reminds me of an art gallery, except they won’t call the cops if you come in and shake your dick all over the place. Maybe that’s why they get 10,000 visitors a day, way more than all those second-rate museums that have banned me so far. They’ve been in the game for a long time, too, so they’ve had time to refine their formula. Since 2004, FemJoy has served up high-quality nudes and erotic videos of the world’s most beautiful women.

Hot Euro Models, Naked as Hell

I’m going to tell you right now; this shit ain’t going to do it for you jaded hardcore masturbators. Most of the stuff I review here is as explicit as it can get, with extra points for things like fitting two in one or hooking up with your sister. The content here is soft by any modern pornographic measure. It’s so classy, refined, and artistic that I’m not even convinced it meets the definition of pornography, so is the term ‘softcore’ even applicable?

We can split hairs about this all day, but most of the girls showing off their goods on the landing page are shaved. The nude models are mostly Euro amateurs you’ve never seen or heard of, who happen to be absolutely fucking gorgeous. You’ll see naked nymphettes on the beach, beautiful girls posing in the sun, and sweet-faced cuties showing their boobs and beavers to the camera.

There’s a decent range of body types represented out front, from really skinny chicks with perky boobs to one voluptuous broad with massive natural tits. If there’s any silicone on the page, it’s done well enough that I can’t tell. I see blondes, brunettes, and redheads, though aside from an Asian in the slides at the top, it’s all white girls.

They’re not gargling semen or cramming dildos up each other’s asses like on your typical premium porn site. Aside from one babe riding another’s face, everything out front consists of solo showcases of the naked female form. The poses are sensual and playful, and there’s very little self-stimulation to be seen out front. The emphasis at FemJoy.com is not on stuffing every hole with cock, but in appreciating the full physical beauty of these hot chicks.

Like Buying Your Erotic Nudes at Costco

Naked girls are a dime a dozen. Hell, check out my list of Amateur Porn Sites, and you’ll find all kinds of chicks just giving out nude selfies, blowjob videos, and more. The thing is, you can only do so much with a webcam, a phone, and a boyfriend who dropped out of 7th grade but “has a really good eye.” What you’re paying for on a site like FemJoy is hotter girls, and a higher level of skill at showing that hotness.

The regular price for a monthly membership at FemJoy.com is forty bucks, which is honestly pretty fucking steep. Most porn sites, even the really nasty X-rated ones, will run you $30. As I write this, they’re running a Fall Sale that brings it down to $15, rebilling at $30. The 6- and 12-month rates are cheaper, natch.

The smut is softcore, but holy fucking shit, there’s a lot of it. Remember, they’ve been at this since 2004, so they’ve had a long time to build a library. To date, they have over 1,650 models, more than 550,000 hi-res photos, and almost 700 HD videos. Thankfully, you’ve got an everlasting appreciation for tasteful nudes, am I right? I’m sure that bucket of lube is for educational use only, too.

Most premium sites use the photo galleries to boost their content numbers. It just looks good on the sign-up page if it says there are a million photos, even if they’re just automatically generated screenshots, and nobody looks at them. Because FemJoy.com is a fine erotica site, the galleries truly are an attraction of their own. Most consist of around 100 exclusive, original photos, with no corresponding video on the site.

The sign-up page mentions “up to 2 updates per day”, but I wanted to get logged in and see for myself first. Some sites have slowed down updates thanks to the coronavirus, but their release schedule is still going fucking strong. Currently, they’re releasing a new photo series every day, and a new video every week.

Watching Naked Girls in Slow-Motion

One of FemJoy.com’s more recent releases is a short erotic film called Blue By The Lake. It’s only 7 minutes, which is a bummer, but all of their flicks are short. It does star a stunning, tanned brunette named Katrine Pirs, though, and the thumbnail tells me I really need to see more of her.

She’s in a one-piece swimsuit on a beach as it opens, moving in slow motion to downtempo electronic music. The camera comes in tighter and pans down, giving us lingering shots of her still-covered body. She starts pulling herself naked, giving us a tantalizing glimpse of one tit then another.

Some girls learn to do a masterful striptease, and maybe Katrine is one of them, but the slow-motion sure helps. She’s naked by the 2:30 mark, and I couldn’t help thinking I just watched 10 sections of action rationed as slowly as possible. Still, my boner is raging, and I’m eager for more.

Katrine rubs her hands over the insides of her thighs, and then on those beautiful titties. She sits in the sand, turns around, and smiles for the camera. This girl’s ass looks fucking fantastic, especially when we get a glimpse of that pussy between her legs.

The accompanying music is atmospheric and fits the slow-motion video, which is not to say I really like it. There’s no dialog, though, nor the regular moans, squeals, grunts, and pants you get with normal porn. They’ve got to fill that void with something, I guess.

Softcore but Sexy

The video ends with a close-up of Katrine’s face and a copyright notice from FemJoy. I can’t help feeling just a little ripped off. I’m pretty sure I just shook my dick at a few seconds of a beach photoshoot stretched out but still ending too soon.

I watched another one with Piper Fawn, one of few semi-recognizle pornstars at FemJoy. While even shorter and largely in slow-mo, it felt like this one had more meat to it than Katrine’s. This may have had something to do with Piper’s level of comfort in front of the camera, and her ability to really work it. She can make brushing her hair look sexy, and that doggystyle hair-flipping thing she does is pretty goddamn hot, too.

I watched a few more movies. It seems like Katrine’s movie was a particularly bad example, but the format doesn’t change much, even in the good movies. It’s slow-motion photography of gorgeous, naked euro chicks posing for the camera. The movies are all over really quickly, which is kind of ironic given how they seem like good fodder for a long, drawn-out fap session.

I can’t stress enough that FemJoy.com ain’t for everybody; if you’re looking for hardcore porn, almost anything on my Premium Porn list will meet your needs better. This is erotica for those who appreciate naked women and would prefer to see those pretty faces, flawless breasts, and lickable cooters without all the dick-waggling and sperm flying all over the place. I recommend a look if you’re into old-school softcore erotica like Playboy or have a thing for unknown Euro models.