Gelbooru

Alright, faggots, I ain’t one to be jerking off to gelbooru animated cartoon bitches, but once in a while, even I like to shake things up. So today I’m bringing you a review on a goddamn hentai site. For you fuckers living under a rock, hentai is basically Japanese cartoon porn. Imagine jerking off to bitches from Pokemon, except with potential for some unbelievably sick shit, and you get the general idea.

Gelbooru.com is referred to as an “imageboard”, although to me it just looks like a big ass search engine for hentai. Gelbooru is pretty fucking famous, and the reason why is because it uses a tag system so you can easily find the sick twisted pics you’re looking for. With over four million pictures of girls and boys ranging from extremely questionable young to saggy-ass-titties old, not to mention all kinds of weird creatures and fetishes, you’ll probably find what you’re looking for. More on the tag system later.

Gelbooru’s been around since 2007, and its legion of slanty-eyed weeb users continues to grow every day. You’d think with their tiny ass peckers, they’d grow tired of jerking off, but apparently, them zipperheads are just as horny as I am. The site was built off the source code of another famous website that’s since died out, and Gelbooru is now the world leader of hentai bitches.

It’s good, but fucking ads make me sick

When you first go to Gelbooru.com, you might get fucking disgusted. Between the full-screen ad raping the entire background and the masturbatory counter of how many images they have as shown by some anime cunts holding up signs, you might wanna turn around and never come back. But once you actually type something into the search bar and click SEARCH, you’ll find something far easier to swallow.

So let’s say you type in “taint”, like I did. Right away, you’ll see a bunch of pics of cartoon bitches’ taints, just like the uploaders had tagged their pictures. That’s right- for every picture you see on Gelbooru, the degenerate loser uploading it made sure to point out that a “taint” was in the goddamn picture. Isn’t that goddamn convenient?

On the left, you’ll see a shitload of “tags”. These are popular tags that were used in other photos. I’m looking at shit like 2girls…alcohol…arm support…”blue kimono”? These Gelbooru freaks make me sick. Anyway, you can enjoy browsing around these random tags if you’re bored or feel the need to get inspired for your session.

Who the fuck draws all this shit?

As I said before, all the content is from other users, and there’s a shitload of it. Four million pics, that’ll take me like…at least a month to jerk through! In addition to pics, you can also find animated gifs and even video, by using the tag “video” or “animated” and whatnot. Try “animated bitch_face”, and you’ll see a fucking animated bitchface.

Now let’s talk about the tag system on Gelbooru. Look, I know it’s a good system. I can just fucking tell it’s good based on playing around with it and seeing how popular this site is. But if you aren’t used to it, it can be a huge pain in the ass. Let me explain why.

First, the tag system is all about specifically finding what you want. That means that Gelbooru rejects vague ass terms that it considers too basic or too generic. For example, if you search “bitch”, you get to an error site. You search “cunt”, you get an error. You search “slut”; you get an error. As a man who appreciates the basics, this made me pissed off.

But like I said, I get it. Once I successfully jerked off and let my brain start working again, I realized that this is why Gelbooru became popular. It really encourages the uploaders to make good tags, and the system stops retards from clogging up the search with stupid content. You have to get used to using underscores a lot. That’s ___ <- this shit, in your tags. Like you can’t search “Tifa Lockhart”, but you have to use “Tifa_Lockhart”. It can get confusing.

Whatever, if you are a loser who likes jerking off to cartoons all day, I’m sure you have zero life and can learn and master this system. Arigato to you faggots.

There’s also some other weird things which I’ll quickly go over. First, apparently, you need to be a member to do some more complicated tag searches. It’s free to join, though. Second, they have this weird Wiki that is just random as hell. Again, this is some weeb inside-joke community shit that these Gelbooru nerds love to jerk off to even more than pictures of cartoon girls getting fucked by a cartoon starfish. The site also features “pools”, which are groups of really specific picture-types. For example: “Blacked girls - Anime girls who love black cocks”. Finally, it has a link to a Doujin sister site, which is basically hentai comics.

What I Like

Well, obviously, there’s a whole lot of content just like on Danbooru. Hentai is cool because you can see characters from cartoons you like. In addition to anime, Gelbooru has characters from American shit too like April O Neil from Ninja Turtles, DC characters like Catwoman, bitches from Marvel comics, etc. Copyright laws? Who gives a damn, these are cartoons for fuck's sake.

Also, for you sick fucks, there’s a shitload of lolicon. For those who don’t know what that is, good, don’t you ever fucking learn. I just felt compelled to mention this because, apparently, it’s a big reason why Gelbooru.com is famous.

What I Hate

There’s one thing I hated about this rule 34 site, so let me explain. There’s a lot of ads, yes, but it did this one annoying shit that I fucking hated. One time I opened up a link in a new tab, but in the original tab, it secretly went to a fucking ad! So when I went back to my first tab to check out another pic, ta-da, I get a facial of an annoying full-page animated ad.

Now, when I tried to repeat this to see how it triggers, it didn’t happen, so I’m not sure what the exact code is. Anyway, I just feel like Gelbooru is kind of shady and sneaky with its ads, so I’m warning you now so you don’t get too pissed off as I did.

Also, like I said before, the tag system at Gelbooru.com needs some getting used to. When you use tags incorrectly, you get sent to a bizarre error page talking about some chickens or some shit, and then some message telling you to “check your blacklist”. I didn’t know what the FUCK this shit was talking about, so I ended up having to Google it to figure out what was going on. I still don’t know exactly what the FUCK this is, and no, I ain’t gonna learn. It just wasn’t intuitive.

BUT AGAIN, I get that they have a reason for this shit. Weebs are degenerate sick fucks, but they are smart.

Fucking fix that shit!

When you send your users to an error page, clearly explain why the FUCK they were sent there. I know you weebs like to have your secret little circle jerks and shit, saying shit like “Fujiwara from Kitonasabe Ko Intei is the most kawaii~~ senpai!!” and then looking down on a normal person for not understanding what the FUCK you just said. Still, for a website, this attitude ain’t the best. It makes Gelbooru unwelcoming and unintuitive. Fuck you!

Also, cool down on the ads.

Conclusion

In typical weeb fashion, Gelbooru.com (often misspelled as "gelboru", "gelburro", "gelborou, "gelboruu", "gelbooro", "gellbooru", "gelborru", "genbooru" and "gelburoo") is the kind that you can tell is smart and well-designed, but also has a very inclusive nature to it that can make it hard to breakthrough. It’s just like a fucking anime. At first, you just watch it like what the FUCK is this shit, but at some point, it clicks, and then you start getting into it and learning all the weird mumbo-jumbo zipperhead shit that you were calling faggotry five minutes ago. That’s what this fucking site is, and it is the best at it.

Have fun, and don’t forget to commit seppuku after for being such faggots who can’t even jerk it to a real girl.