German Goo Girls

GermanGooGirls! Pornography is one of mankind’s greatest art forms. It’s been with us since prehistoric times and really ramped the fuck up in the 20th century. I love how elements of one culture’s porno can become commonplace in the smut world as a whole. Bukkake is a great example. Born in Japan, the sticky, messy fetish is now popular around the world. I recently had a chance to check out a German take on the Asian tradition over at German Goo Girls.

I’ve seen some crazy-ass fetish porn, so for a moment, I thought GermanGooGirls.com was going to have chicks rolling around in oil, mud, pudding, or some other bullshit--potentially even actual bullshit. Thankfully, as soon as I loaded the tour page, I saw all the slime was human-originated. Crisis averted! I guess I really should have known, considering the site has been building their bukkake collection since 2002. What can I say? Sometimes I’m late to the party, but when I get there, I really turn up.

Old Layout, Fresh, Hot Cum

GermanGooGirls is a site that really wears its age. As soon as you see the header image, you’ll know this site has been around a long fucking time. I always get mixed feelings about these setups. On one hand, their longevity means they’ve got something to offer that their failed competitors didn’t. Two decades is a long fucking time for a porn site to survive! On the other hand, I can’t help wonder why the fuck they don’t update the layout or the ugly header graphics.

Let’s talk about those ugly header graphics. The GermanGooGirls themselves look fantastic: beautiful, eyes closed and mouth open, and covered in cum. There are veiny cocks shooting goo on the girls. (Is that German goo on these German Goo Girls? I guess I won’t know until I watch some and listen to the accents.) The imagery is great, but the GGG logo looks like it came from a late ‘90s rap album with a sperm theme.

Scrolling down, I see more enticing thumbnails embedded in that deeply hideous layout. There’s a blonde MILF getting her twat hammered while at least 4 dudes shake their dicks in her face. A younger blonde chick is receiving an oral load in one thumbnail and then a followup blast in another. There’s a sexy Latina with a big round ass getting more than intimate with a room full of dudes, as well as an orange-haired punk rocker slut with a face just covered in that titular goo. I think I might be in love with this redhead taking a huge cock up in the ass in a gangbang scene.

Overall, the German Goo Girls are pretty slim-figured, as you expect on European sites, though I see a lot of enhanced pornstar titties. The babes skew a bit older than on the major premium sites, with plenty of MILFs on the menu.

I watched one of the free preview videos out front, and I think it’s a couple of scenes of the same girl spliced together in a montage. It’s a little jarring seeing the girl’s hair color and the room’s lighting color change between cuts, but I did start dripping in my pants, watching the little whore take loads to the face after doing anal. These girls are some true cum-loving sluts.

Incredible Amounts of Jizz Spilled

Good goddamn. I’m seeing more and more sites these days asking for more than the standard $30 a month most websites have been asking for years. German Goo Girls is one of the priciest I’ve seen this week, running $39.95 a month. The yearly breaks down to ten bones a month, but that standard price is a bitch.

In their defense, they are offering bukkake gangbang flicks. The industry doesn’t bang out these movies with the same frequency as fauxcest lesbian slumber parties or teen anal scenes. These are a rarer commodity, one that requires way more participants per scene and thus a bigger budget. Maybe that’s why GermanGooGirls.com still looks like a throwback from decades ago.

As far as perks go, they’ve got 386 exclusive German Goo Girls movies on the lineup. If there are 15 million sperm per milliliter of jizz and these guys collectively dump a couple of gallons per scene, how many unborn babies are dying as they dehydrate on your old gym socks? That was actually the topic of my TED talk. I was escorted off stage before I could finish, but you should be able to find the video on YouTube.

I’m less annoyed by the price tag when I see all the bonus material. It’s like ordering a huge main course and finding out you get unlimited appetizers, and you can jack off to all of them. Membership includes access to over 10,000 exclusive movies, 5,000 bonus movies, and 2,000 bonus clips.

How Often Do They Cum on the Girls?

The sign-up page says they update every day. I’m a cynical fucker, I guess, but when I saw all that bonus material, I figured they just added old DVDs all the time instead of shooting new bukkake flicks. The first thing I did when I got in was look at the upload dates. They ain’t bad. GermanGooGirls.com adds updates every day, but new bukkake gangbangs come out every 2-3 weeks.

I prefer weekly updates of the main material, but I’m willing to make an exception based on the genre. Again, you need to get a lot of motherfuckers together, a big bottle of dick pills, and a girl who’s willing to do doggy style, reverse cowgirl, anal, squirting, and a blowbang in one marathon shoot with 9 dudes.

Speaking of, their newest movie fits exactly that bill. Crazy About Sex is a 75-minute film starring horny blonde MILF Elen Million and, um, 1, 2, 3… I count at least 9 dudes, but Elen’s the star, so they don’t really line them up for a group shot. The dudes are mostly faceless dicks. When we do see their heads, most are covered in balaclavas like she’s fucking a team of terrorists. Maybe they got it wrong; after blowing themselves up, they found out Paradise only had 1 virgin for every 72 dudes.

No, that can’t be. Elen is clearly no virgin. She immediately starts stroking the first two cocks presented to her, which turns into a blowjob scene within minutes. They’ve got some weird blacklight club lighting at first, and I’m happy when the bright porno lights come as she starts her taste test. Did somebody order a flight of semen?

A Parade of Bukkake Gangbangs

Eight minutes in, Ellen is moaning loudly while riding a dude in a chair. She reaches out, trying her best to give handies and BJs to all the dicks around her. She’s already got some sperm on her face and this shit is just popping off.

Jizz-faced and licking the spunk off her lips, Elen crawls toward the camera where she’s presented with a cock and its own included load of sperm. She swallows it down and moves down the line, getting another dose of fuel to help her fuck her way through these dudes.

There’s nothing worse than an unenthusiastic slut, especially in a gangbang movie. GermanGooGirls like her are genuine nymphomaniacs who love fucking as much as they love the camera. Once the cum starts coming, it doesn’t stop, and Elen doesn’t stop sucking it down.

I don’t know if something got lost in translation in the synopsis, but I was surprised as hell when Elen’s scene ended 35 minutes in, and a new scene started. This time, a young German Goo Girl named Tina demonstrated her athletic humping abilities on a big-ass room full of dudes. A double feature? Don’t mind if I do! Downloads are included, so I saved it for later.

GermanGooGirls.com has a crusty old layout and costs more than I like to pay for my premium smut. Bukkake fans will likely find these drawbacks minimal compared to what you get in exchange. Their exclusive bukkake gangbang scenes feature some of the hottest European sluts taking on endless amounts of cock and the sticky fluid it spits when excited. The titular scenes come out every 2-3 weeks, but the daily additions of new DVDs and bonus movies will keep you fapping. You can watch up to 3 free trailers a day, so check those out before you sign up.