Pornolandia

If I tell you I’m about to check out a site called Porno Landia, you’re probably going to get some ideas of what that site’s all about. You might start imagining Carrie Brownstein naked, but no, it’s not a Portlandia porn spoof. You might think of roller coasters in the shape of titties or a tunnel of love that looks a lot like a pussy. That’s wrong, too, because Porno Landia isn’t an amusement park.

Okay, so what the hell is Pornolandia.xxx? In my honest and humble opinion, it’s potentially better than adding boobs to a mediocre TV parody or a sex-themed theme park. Pornolandia is a free porn tube full of amateur Latina videos. The site’s only a few years old, but they’ve got thousands of videos and pictures. Let’s take a look at that spank stash.

Do You Speak Sex?

First things first, English speakers are going to want to click the flag in the top right-hand corner. I’ll warn you right away that the English translation of the site is choppy at best. Pornolandia is a Brazilian site, and a lot of the text is still in Portuguese even after you request English.

The default view is recent uploads. Pornolandia has your standard porn tube format, so you’re immediately looking at row after row after row of screencaps from videos. There are a few professional-looking scenes mixed in there, but mostly what you’ll see are amateur Latinas. If that’s what you’re into, this place is a fucking goldmine.

In the first row there’s some kinky scene with a slut sucking dick through the bars of a cage, two short homemade fuck scenes, and a video some broad took of her pussy as she worked it with her fingers and a big dildo.

A gorgeous teen in her underwear smiled at me from the second row, and I knew I just fucking had to see more. I clicked through to the clip, which started with an obnoxious video ad. I don’t speak Spanish, but I’m pretty sure the bitch was the monster knockers and big hair was offering phone sex. I clicked the X to close the ad and got a pop-up for the same service.

The video itself is a montage of Snapchat videos that some enterprising pervert has taken the liberty of saving, compiling, and uploading to Pornolandia. The chick twerks, plays with her tits, takes it doggystyle and sucks a few cocks in the two and a half minute video.

Pornolandia runs on user uploads, which means it’s going to be full of curated shit like this. I’m grateful to the dudes stalking Snapchat for quality content like this. Snapchat videos actually expire automatically on the app, so without these heroes, all this material would be lost, vanished into the pornographic ether.

Browsing around, it looks like there’s a fair amount of Snapchat material that people have saved. I knew people were fucking on that app, but I didn’t realize how many. I’m even more afraid to download it now. I’d go take a bathroom break and never come out. They’d find me all withered away, death grip on my cock with my phone in the other hand.

It Does the Trick

There’s nothing too special about Pornolandia’s video player. It’s got your basic play/pause button and timeline slider, plus volume control and a fullscreen option. You can change the speed by clicking the gear icon, but I had to watch another goddamn ad first, so don’t click it if you’re in the middle of something.

If I could add any feature, it would be a download option. I like that somebody saved videos off of Snapchat, but now I want to save the same ones off of Pornolandia. It’s not a huge deal. I can bookmark stuff, though there’s no guarantee it will be there later.

I clicked the uploader’s name and got sent to his profile. The same dude has a few more vids and a couple of photo albums available, so I subscribed to his channel. The setup on the profile page looks a lot like a dirty version of YouTube. If I was feeling friendly, I could send this guy a message or a friend request. If I was feeling like an asshole, I could block him. (And miss out on that pussy he’s sharing? Never!)

I can see that Pornolandia has a video tagging feature, but the uploader only tagged this one with Sexo and Gostosa. I figured the Categories link at the top of the page would give me a better idea of what was on tap.

Categories Porno XXX

Like the “Categories Porno XXX” header, the category names are untranslated and require some guesswork on your part. A lot of is pretty self-explanatory. For example, Anal is apparently Anal in both English and Portuguese. The pic of the chick flashing her ass in public gives you a pretty good idea what to expect under Em Publico. I’ve got to assume from the screencap of Mia Khalifa getting plowed that Filmes Porno is where they keep the professional smut.

There are Gangbangs, Lesbians, and Cumshot on the Categories page. At least, I’m assuming that’s what they mean by Cornos, Lesbicas, and Gozadas. I’m guessing a bit based on the photos they’re using.

Pornolandia doesn’t list any fetish or BDSM categories, but they do have a few hundred clips in their tranny section. If you’re looking for something in particular, because you’re just that much of a perverted freak, just try the ol’ search bar.

That big Latina ass they were using for the Em Publico got my mind going and the blood flowing to my dick, so I checked out the link. The section has about 500 vids of girls doing shit they ain’t supposed to while out and about.

Videos, Ads, and Video Ads

I watched a short clip of a bunch of girls getting wild in an elevator in Las Vegas. After that, I watched a girl use a vibrator in a park, and then another slut piss in a parking lot.

Good god, those video ads before each clip are the worst. They tend to feature sexy ladies, so my boner doesn’t entirely go away, but each ad is like a landmine on my masturbatory stroll. They’re so consistent it’s almost painful.

I was so annoyed I almost left the site, but this screencap of a cute teen giving a handjob on a train caught my eye. That looks like my kind of ride.

The video ad this time was for some Brazilian boner spray, I think. Some little whore was stroking some stud’s cock and then he pulled out a spray bottle. He held at the camera, said something, and then they both smiled. Cool, now let me see the train scene.

It turns out the train scene is just a 5-minute preview for a full video at AmberSonata.com. What a fucking sample, though. This girl has no fear, playing with her tits and stroking away on her fellow passenger’s rigid cock. All I ever got on a train was motion sickness.

Samples like this are a staple of free porn tubes. The folks who run the premium sites are always looking for ways to get wankers back to their wares. Uploading clips to the free tubes works out for everyone. You certainly don’t have anything to lose by jacking off to it.

The video ads Pornolandia (often misspelled as "pornolandia.com", "pornoladia", "pornolandiaxxx", "pornolanfia", "pornolamdia" and "ponolandia") plays before each and every single clip are bad enough to ruin casual masturbatory browsing of the site for most users. You simply can’t jump from video to video without a major interruption. This might work for you if you’re the type to rub one out to the first video you pull up.

The site’s saving grace is going to be its selection of amateur Latina content. You’re going to be very hard-pressed to find a collection as wide, varied, and as big as this one in that category. If you’re not into amateur Latinas, there’s just no way you’d want to sit through Pornolandia’s constant barrage of boner spray commercials.