The Porn Highway

xHamster Creampie

xHamster Creampie
(4/5 User rating)

I’ll never get tired of reviewing this kind of shit, I swear. You’d think that after a thousand or so reviews of creampie sections, I’d start to get sick of watching them, but there’s something about watching cum ooze out of a girl’s ass or pussy that just gets me hard every single time. Hell, I could be freshly spent, and sometimes I’ll just check out some creampie videos if I’m feeling like consuming some art, because that’s what creampies are. They’re an art form. Some people think that all you need to do in order to perfect a creampie is just nut inside the girl. Nah, fam. It takes a lot of preparation and composure.

You can’t just nut and go; this isn’t a joke. This is porn art. To craft the perfect creampie, you’ve got to watch your diet and make sure you’re taking in a lot of fluids. More fluids means more cum, obviously. But, you also have to last a bit longer. If you pump and dump, then chances are that creampies are going to be very short and not exactly loaded. You need to cram in as much cum as you can possibly muster, and that takes commitment. And of course, you have to make sure to record the damn thing in more than 240p so that I don’t have to squint to make out where the dick ends and the creampie begins.

Enter XHamster to the rescue.

A Great Site Getting Even Greater

You don’t need me telling you that XHamster is an amazing and legendary website. If you’ve ever had a boner and an internet connection at the same time, chances are you’ve been on XHamster. This site is one of the original record breakers in free porn quality. It, along with the other greats, defined the idea of a porn tube and have consistently shelled out hot shit for you to fap to. Hell, they’ve been posting every day for over a decade. That’s admirable shit right there. So, it’s no wonder then, that these giants of the industry are a great place for you to find some quality creampie videos.

There’s a bit more to it than that, I’m not just here to throw praise around, but suffice it to say, they do a great job. I’ve always found these kinds of free porn tubes to be better in the quantity department. Quality isn’t exactly a priority when you’re trying to stay on top. That’s for paid sites. Free sites need to cover their bases, and they do that by hosting every single porn video that they can get their hands on. The site is driven by community submissions, and unless a video is breaking the rules, it stays up. So, as you can imagine, this place is fucking loaded with creampies. Much like an actual creampie in the making, if you stick around long enough, cum will seemingly ooze out of your computer screen. Make sure to have wet wipes handy.

A Bit Too Many Videos

With this many creampies seemingly jumping at you from your screen, it can be a bit hard to find the exact kind of video that you are looking for. Do you want to know who I blame for this nonsense? Whoever the fuck is spam-uploading irrelevant crap and tagging it “creampie”. I don’t blame XHamster; this shit ain’t on them. They’ve got a great platform with a ton of quality shit on here. But, for reasons I cannot understand, there are just so many videos winning the algorithm war on this site and coming up first when you’re looking for creampies.

Let’s look at the top results, shall we? Right off the bat, I see an HD video from a really reputable site which I will not mention, because I doubt this shit is their fault. The video’s title says something like step-daughter takes multiple creampies. Ok, so far, so good. Not sure why I’m supposed to care what her familial relation is, I’m just here to see some cum dripping out of her holes, but whatever. She’s a step-sister. Moving on.

I checked this video out, and sure enough, it was a 10-minute-long high-quality porn clip, but… what about the creampie I came here for? Well, at about the halfway mark, the dude comes in her pussy, and you can indeed see a bit of cum dripping out, but it’s nothing particularly impressive. I’ve half-assed better creampies on my third fuck of the evening, sporting a half-mast. And, this part only took about 7 seconds. The video was 10 minutes long. So, what did they do for the other 5 minutes? Well, they either took a break and started up again, or they got a different dude, I’m not sure. I don’t differentiate between cocks. All cocks are the same to me, as long as they’re far away from me, I’m happy.

So, the dude starts fucking her again, in the same cum filled pussy, and he gives her a good plow until eventually he pulls out and cums on her face. Now here’s where I got visibly angry. The load he blew on her face was bigger than the load he shot in her pussy. Why? I mean, this is a creampie themed video. What the fuck? Why didn’t he shoot that shit inside her pussy or at the very least in her mouth, for a good ooze shot? I have no idea what they were thinking when they tagged this thing as creampie, but it brings me to my point on the part of this creampie section that pisses me off.

Sorting Through the Unrelated Stuff

Again, I’m not blaming XHamster for this; they do a great job. I blame the people that tag this shit as well as the pervs among you who watch it. That video I just talked about, that shit had hundreds of thousands of views. It got pushed to the top of the fucking results because people kept watching it. This doesn’t mean it’s a great creampie video – it just means a lot of people watched it. That’s your enemy here – getting past all of the videos that are popular as fuck but irrelevant as far as creampies go.

My recommendation? Skip a few pages. The shit that floats to the top is rarely the best. It’s usually just a few videos that are shot in such high quality that people flock to see them. You can stick around if you’d like, I won’t judge you. They’re great videos. They’re just not great creampie videos. If you want to see the real creampie shit that true fans swear by, you have to skip a few pages of results. I usually just jump to page 10 and fap away, but you can dive as far as you’d like. There are over a thousand pages, so it’s not like you’re going to exhaust the results or anything.

I also really like the idea of wildly jumping over a thousand pages and seeing shit that either hasn’t been fapped to since the cold war or that was so obscure that no-one ever got a chance to see it. That’s where you find the real gems, the real underground shit that you won’t see on the top results. That’s the kind of smut I want to jack off to. There’s always a bit of pleasure in knowing that you got there first, with a porn video. It’s kind of like fucking a girl, in a way. The fewer men have been there before you, the greater the satisfaction.

A Lot of Variety

Ok, I explained all my gripes about the sheer randomness of this site, now let’s get into the kind of shit you can actually find in this section. Ignoring all of the unnecessarily tagged stuff, it’s actually quite impressive.

First up, we’ve got some vanilla pussy fucking in the missionary position. You’ve seen this before. It’s 10 minutes of sex followed by a quick drip down the pussy, and if you’re lucky, you also get to see the girl’s asshole covered in cum. Then, we’ve got the weirder shit like BDSM play that involves creampies, submissive girls getting drenched by several dudes, and that kind of overlaps with facials and all kinds of confusing stuff by Japan’s finest porn actresses.

There are also a lot of niche fetish videos like those Czech whore houses where you fuck a girl through a wall without being able to see her face. I also found quite a few videos with innovative combinations of people like nerds and busty blondes or dad-bods on young nubile girls, playing house, or whatever. There are all kinds of genres here, but one way or another, you’ll end up seeing a creampie.

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