SeaPorn

Sea Porn! Pornography is considered to be one of mankind’s most precious resources, beloved by kings and peasants alike. It’s as vital to our lives as water, and just about as common. Though somebody sends you a bill every month for the fluid coming through your tap, you can score that smut for free if you know where to look. SeaPorn is one of those places.

Somebody sent me the link for SeaPorn.org this morning, and my first thought was that it was some kind of Scientology thing. Their floating fortresses and billion-year contracts might make for a porn empire to rival their business cult, but nah, SeaPorn is actually a free porn download site. Now I understand why they’re getting 15,000 visitors a day.

Just Look at All This Free Porno

I assumed for a moment SeaPorn was a brand new site, but not because it’s got a flashy layout. In fact, it’s got just the opposite. This is a pretty generic-looking blog format. There’s no logo, just a site name in plain black text, exactly like the rest of the site. The only imagery is the explicit thumbnails from all the porno you can download here, which is just fine with me.

The reason I thought it was newer was because I’ve seen other sites like this. They usually pop up on the net and make a few bucks in spam money before disappearing into the ether. SeaPorn ain’t one of those, though. For one thing, nothing has slipped by my spam blocker yet. For another, these fuckers have been around a long time.

I scrolled down the front page, admiring the office ladies getting their twats buzzed in Japanese Adult Video (JAV) and lipstick lesbians tonguing each other’s titties. I saw famous pornstars like Alina Lopez, Kiara Cole, and Karla Kush. There were MILFs and teens, White girls, Asians, and Latinas.

The front page has the newest ten movies on the site, and they’ve all been uploaded today. That’s an impressive update schedule, but what blows my fucking mind are some numbers at the very bottom of the screen. I’m only looking at the first of over 15,000 pages of free downloadable hardcore movies. SeaPorn started adding flicks to the site in 2008 and has been at it ever since. Fuck yes!

I couldn’t find a full Tags page, but they do list some of their most popular (broad) categories along the sidebar, with content numbers displayed by each. Their selection of 2160p movies, aka the 4k Ultra-HD flicks, is only 362 deep right now, but they have over 12,000 1080p films. They’ve got 1,141 Galleries, 3,678 Split Scenes, and nearly 100,000 Clips. There are even a few hundred free Hentai downloads for the neckbeards and weeaboos out there.

Quick, Easy, Free XXX Downloads

There’s a Pornstars page, but it looks like it hasn’t been updated in a while. There are a lot of classic sluts on the list like Asia Carrera, Deauxma, and Nina Hartley, but I don’t really see today’s current crop of sex starlets. If you’re looking for girls like Abella Danger, Riley Reid, or Brooklyn Gray, you’ll have to use the search bar. Trust me, unless you’re into some really obscure porn sluts, SeaPorn definitely has a bunch of the girls with permanent residence in your fap fantasies.

One of the thumbnails from today’s uploads shows a brunette riding a dude’s cock while licking a blonde chick’s cooter. It’s a pretty sexy-looking interracial threesome, which I guess is expected given the source. I can’t find the girls’ names listed, but it is a TeamSkeet flick.

There’s no synopsis, but a little cloud of tags lets me know I’ll be seeing some Pussy Licking, Blowjob, Doggystyle, and Missionary. There’s a set of screenshots pulled from the flick, though they’re more of a reference than anything else since they’re pretty small to crank it to. I can see the time listed in the screenshots, too; this is a full-length fuck, running a good half hour.

The movie is about 445 MB total, which they split up into two files. They’ve got it up on a few different file lockers, so take your pick. Since they typically throttle free users when it comes to waiting times and download speeds, you might get those BBC movies quicker if you download each half from a different file locker. That, or shell out a few bucks for a premium filehost account or one of the multi-host services.

The Keep2Share links let you watch a bit of the opening to your video, but the other lockers don’t. One of the biggest disadvantages of SeaPorn is that you have to schedule your fap sessions in advance. If you’re downloading without a premium filehost account, you might be looking at a few hours wait time between you and the anal sex movie you’re itching to spank it to. They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder, but it can also make a sticky, uncomfortable mess of your boxers.

So What’s the Catch?

SeaPorn’s updating damn near constantly. Since I started writing this review, they’ve added a few more movies. Their very newest flick is a St. Patrick’s Day porno from Tiny 4K. For reference, I’m writing this on St. Patrick’s Day. These motherfuckers are topical, or just really quick to post fresh premium material.

That’s not the only one from a big-name paysite I see. There have also been updates today from Hustler, Nubiles, Pure Taboo, and Spizoo, just to name a handful.

You will see the same clips listed over and over again as separate entries among the site’s blog-style listings. I thought it was some kind of bug at first, then realized these were actually different sizes/resolutions of the same movie. I would have preferred to have the different formats linked under the same pages, but it’s hard to complain for the low price of free.

Compromise is obviously part of equation here, but it ain’t half as bad as it could be. You usually expect an onslaught of spam on a site giving away premium shit; check out the free tubes at the bottom of my list for plenty of examples. I didn’t actually see any spam at all here.

With my ad-blocker running, my visit to SeaPorn didn’t come with a single pop-up or pop-under for boner pills, nor a single animated butt-sex banner claiming I’ll cum in 10 seconds if I play some “free” hentai game. The closest thing to spam I see is some affiliate links, but they’re text-based and unobtrusive.

There are some dead links at SeaPorn, especially in the back catalog. The further back in time you travel into the archive, the less likely those video download links are going to work. It’s not nearly as bad as I suspected, though.

Those download links on page 15,101, posted back in 2008, are dead as fuck. I started checking around the site to see how widespread the issue is. Typing random pages into the URL bar gave me a couple of surprises. Surprise #1: there are plenty of working links even thousands of pages deep into SeaPorn’s catalog. Surprise #2: the site updates so fast, they’ve added thousands of pages of content in the last few months. I knew they were updating fast, but holy shit!

SeaPorn.org has been giving away free smut for over a decade now, and they seem pretty committed to the cause. They update the site with a constant stream of fresh, full-length hardcore movies from the big studios, starring your favorite big-name pornstars. There’s surprisingly little compromise for what they have on offer, which goes a long way in explaining their continuing popularity.