SurfShark

Surf Shark sounds like the name of the gargantuan beast that attacked me off the coast of Hawaii, but nah, this shark is here to protect you as you surf, not bite your dick off. Unlike most of the websites I review here at ThePornDude, this one ain’t even dick-oriented. Of course, one of their main functions is helping you surf the web anonymously and privately, and we all know exactly what you’re going to do with all that extra anonymity and privacy. (In case you’re a little dense, that’s a joke about all the whacking off you’ll be doing with the help of their product.)

Surfshark.com offers a powerful Virtual Private Network that lets you access the Internet privately, securely, and with greater freedom than most Internet users. You may know this already, as they’re one of the most popular VPNs in the world with a 4.5 out of 5 rating on Trustpilot. What you might not know is exactly how it works, and what a VPN can do for the average pornography enthusiast. Well, speaking as one of the web’s preeminent porn enthusiasts, let me tell you a thing or two about what they’re offering.

Surf Safe with Surf Shark

Surfshark’s got a simple but effective demonstration of Internet insecurity right at the very top of their landing page. I loaded up the site and they showed me my IP address, my ISP (Internet Service Provider), and my status (Unprotected). It’s the same information any website sees about you. While it doesn’t contain my name, those bits of information are enough to identify and track me as I go about my daily masturbatory, shopping and business rituals online.

The fact that every website can see your identity is only half of the problem. The other issue is that your ISP can also see everything you do. Between your wife, your boss, Comcast, Facebook and Google, that’s a fucking ton of people who know you have a thing for celebrity feet and BBW bondage. And here you thought your kinks were all secrets…

Surfshark covers your online footprints by routing all your Internet traffic through their VPN. Instead of connecting to ThePornDude, Pornhub or Scat Gold directly through your ISP, your traffic is encrypted both ways as it travels through Surfshark’s speed-optimized servers. All the websites will see a Surfshark IP that doesn’t identify you in any way, and your ISP is similarly in the dark about the blowjob forums and poop tubes you’re beating off to.

That secure connection helps ensure you’re not spied on by the same apps and websites that harvest everyone else’s data. It also protects you against the more insidious threats, the ones that aren’t just trying to sell you more of those fedoras you really like. Surfshark.com’s VPN offers an added layer of security against hacking, malware, phishing and identity theft.

Surfshark prides themselves on their security, going as far as saying they’re more seamless and tight than your average VPN. To back that up, they had their services audited by Cure53, a company of white-hat hackers who break into sites to make them stronger. You can read the whole report on Surfshark.com, but it concludes with, “members of the Cure53 team […] can only conclude that the tested applications make a very robust impression and are not exposed to any issues, neither in the privacy nor in the more general security realms.”

Beating Off to Blocked Porn Sites

Virtual Private Networks are commonly used by tech-savvy motherfuckers who are just trying to protect their data while getting some serious business done at the local Starbucks. If you’re on any public network, you’re vulnerable to malicious hackers and rogue WiFi networks. Surfshark’s VPN encapsulates your Internet traffic, elevating it above that low-hanging fruit hackers are snatching up.

Of course, if you’re a pervert like me, there’s even more incentive to use Surfshark on a public network: it helps you bypass firewalls and access blocked content. The local coffee shop may have added Reality Kings to their blacklist, but you can still jerk off at the counter if you’re surfing through the Surfshark VPN. The same goes for the office firewall and their completely ludicrous, unfair ban on any site with the word “Bukkake”.

What if you’re behind a big, fat government firewall? Most of you are lucky to be reading this without any issue, but some countries are so prudish they’ve even banned ThePornDude. Well, it’s all the same to Surfshark, who will funnel those porn reviews to you regardless of what your local dictator or sex cult overlord has to say on the matter. In fact, the Surfshark.com blog just posted an article about VPN sales having surged since Azerbaijan started blocking social media. Whether you’re trying to beat off to banned titty-fuck movies or just trying to chat with your banned friends, Surfshark can help. It’s exactly what they were designed to do!

Surfshark has over 1700 servers in 63 countries. Usually, you’ll want to connect to the nearest one; shorter physical distance generally means a faster connection. However, you can use any of them, which essentially lets you surf the web from anywhere in the world.

“But PornDude,” you say, “what’s the point of browsing the web as a Frenchman if I’m a Canuck?” The obvious answer, again, is to access sites you ain’t supposed to view from your country. I’ve seen a few Japanese porn sites, for example, that are intended for non-Japanese audiences only thanks to Japan’s stringent censorship laws, and other J-porn sites that block Westerners from watching. With Surfshark, those region-based content locks stop getting in the way. Their blog offers up a similar, non-porn example of using their VPN to access Amazon Prime Video that’s normally unavailable in your country.

Another good reason to surf the web from another country is to access lower international prices. Surfshark frames it as helping fight price discrimination, which is a pretty fucking noble way to describe getting a price break on buttfucking movies by pretending you’re poor. Prices on products, especially digital ones, can vary a lot from country to country and even between cities. The power to enter an online marketplace from anywhere in the world unlocks the best prices available anywhere.

Cheap and Works with All Your Shit

A month of VPN service through Surfshark.com will run you $13 a month, though the rate drops dramatically if you buy a more extended membership. Their two-year plan breaks down to just $2.49 a month, which is less than a cup of coffee in exactly the type of establishment you’d want to use Surfshark. It’s practically a no-brainer at that price just for the security benefits if you ever have to get on a public WiFi network, to say nothing of the other perks. Hell, take advantage of that international pricing a couple of times and it just may pay for itself immediately.

Just in case you ain’t sure if that sounds like a good deal, they offer a 30-day window to get all your money back if you’re not satisfied. That’s more than enough time to give their VPN a free test drive, especially when it will probably reveal its powers immediately. While those security improvements are difficult to see in action, Surfshark’s ability to unblock sites is instant magic.

It’s easy as hell to use, too, and compatible with all major platforms. The easiest thing to do is download their extension for your web browser, though you’ll probably want the full app for your platform, whether that’s macOS, Windows, Linux, Android or iOS. They’ve also got VPN support for other devices, like AppleTV and FireTV, plus gaming consoles like Xbox and Playstation. You can use Surfshark to crank off while watching a Japanese Adult Video, and then you can use it to go murder some autistic kids at Fortnite.

As ThePornDude, spending my whole day immersed in the world of online pornography, a VPN is a pretty essential part of the regular toolkit. It helps me access content aimed at masturbators in other parts of the world, it helps me access porn sites from McDonalds, and it helps keep my business secret and secure when I’m working from a public WiFi network. While the average pervert may not get quite as much use out of it as a professional sexual deviate, they provide a lot of utility for not much money. You can try it out for free for a month, so why not give it a shot? It might unlock a whole new world of jacking off.