The Kristen Archives

Personally, I always thought that reading erotic stories, instead of watching actual porn, is for pansies and women who do not have a real dick in their life. In the past, if you were to tell me that my opinion on this topic would ever change, I’d probably smack you right there. But oh well, guess I was wrong, because there is one site that managed to get me slightly interested, and it is called The Kristen Archives (Kristen ASSTR).

First of all, I only value the HQ porn production, and that also includes the high-quality erotic stories, which is why if this site managed to get me interested, then it will get you interested as well. Upon opening the website for the first time, you might get a bit confused; it’s not the 90s anymore and the site’s design is not helping this case.

I mean, yeah sure, it is easy on the eyes with the black background and all, but seriously, if the designers of The Kristen Archives are reading this, fellas what were you thinking? In terms of functionality, it is not a bad website overall, but as I said, I prefer my pornos, as well as the websites, to be top-notch quality. I guess you could overlook the fact that the site’s design is a bit crappy since it does have a lot of high-quality material for you to enjoy.

All you need to do to see everything that this site has to offer is to simply scroll down and up… I guess creating the basic menu buttons was 'too cool' for them. Anyways, the site does introduce itself at the top, where you will get to learn more about how it all started. Though, I must add that they could have done better with the introduction of their site, since reading it does not really make me want to read any of the stories.

But, you do not have to worry about that; the creators of the site are not the writes of the stories. The reason this site is called ‘The Kristen Archives’ aka "Kristen stories" is basically because of this one chick who was apparently a bit too lonely (if you ask me), as she had the time to collect all of these erotic stories, presumably in 1997 (or so they say). I mean, you have over 15k stories + illustrated archives to go through, and the reason I say that she had a bit too much time on her hands, is simply because the majority of the stories here are actually high-quality fap material.

Once you learn that this is a chick’s archive-based website, the design actually makes a lot more sense, since there is a higher chance that a woman is actually behind this website, too. I mean, she probably wanted to be all “original” and shit, so she did the design herself… it’s obvious that it was a one-person job. Now, let’s all honor this wench’s aka Kristen's collection, forget about everything else and just focus on what the site has to offer.

Honestly, I would not be surprised if I lost half of the audience by now, (even less surprised if they were all “offended” women), since here you do have to use your “imagination”, which is not something a lot of people have anymore. The first thing that you will be offered is the fuckload of stories, that are all sorted in directories, which makes it a bit easier to browse.

If you are, in fact, a pansy or a chick, then you should check out ‘Kristen’s Board’ where the site's community gets to talk about their “feelings”. Honestly, who does that any more? Other than using that forum page for site issues and similar shit, talking about what you just read is quite retarded, in my opinion.

As you scroll further down (since that is all you can do here), you will get to see other features that The Kristen Archives has to offer. For example, you get a special section for the resident authors, site features, their favorite sex sites, and so on. I would recommend you check out the sites they listed as their “favorites”, as I did open a couple of them (not all, of course, nobody got time for that shit), and the ones I did open were surprisingly not half-bad.

My personal favorite suggestion was a site filled with only fan fiction stories. I mean, that site had a little bit of everything; from the fucking sparkling vampire-wannabes to the Bible characters fucking. I mean, what more could a person ask for than a good story with your favorite Christian characters, right? Kidding of course… and if you are not a Bible-thumping idiot, then I suggest you check it out.

Now, it is quite natural for everyone to have their own personal taste when it comes to the content that makes their flaccid wiener raise up, or their scrounged cunt soaking wet (seriously ladies, nobody likes a full bush, shave it off, get a haircut). Well, lucky for all of you thirsty bitches, The Kristen Archives (often misspelled as "Kristens archives" and "Kristin archives") does offer a category section, which one would expect to find somewhere on the side, right? Well, you will have to scroll… and scroll again, to get to the category archives, because apparently, making a side button or just simply placing it on the side of the site is too fucking hard.

The categories cover all kinds of shit; the celebrity sluts, kinky Asian fantasies, pregnant bitches who love to fuck, or even swinger stories. You could say that they pretty much covered the basics of what you could expect to read in an erotic story, but if you are one of those “special” cunts who are not satisfied with basic shit, just use the fucking search box, instead. Even though in the beginning I said that this site is not half-bad for a story-based erotic shit, nobody can live on this. Personally, I like my porno like I love my women...cheap, easily silenced and replaceable; but to each their own, I guess.