Lovense

Back in the day when online sex chatting was all the rage, but the internet was still kind of young, I used to use the same line to get girls to fly over to my city to fuck me. They’d get all horny and bothered and they’d want to do me, and I’d say that my anaconda isn’t quite long enough to cross state borders. We both had a laugh and forgot about the whole thing, until she’d show up at my door a few days later, desperate for the cock. This system worked for me, because it got me laid. It’s not going to work for you, because you are not nearly as awesome as I am. For the regular Joe, online sex is still a matter of having to jack yourself off while you’re looking at a stream of the girl you’re fucking. Even if you’re on a fucking Skype chat with some babe who’s got the hots for you, you have to pleasure yourself. She isn’t lending you no hand.

Lovense must have heard about my state lines joke and thought to themselves: What if you could yeet your penis across state lines to fuck someone? And then, they made that dream a reality. Introducing, remote fucking. We’re finally living in the future, boys. We can text people our actual fucking penises… sort of. Lovense makes most of their money with programmable sex toys for women on sites like Chaturbate, where you can fiddle with a girl’s clit remotely by dropping her a token or two. But, their coup de grace has to be their line of two-way sex remote sex toys that connect to each other over the internet. Now, this is Star Trek shit. You can finally send your cock to that long-distance crush you’ve been jacking off to.

Pussy Penetration Over the Web

Men like sticking their dongles into slots and women like having their slots all shook up until they’re gasping for air. It’s just the natural order of things. That’s why Lovense has a long line of amazing toys for women that will stimulate their various red zones in a million different ways. They make vibrators, basically. You can shove them up your snatch or rub them against your clit. It’s not rocket science. For the guys, they have fleshlights. We’re simpler than the females. You give us a hole; we’ll stick our dick in it.

Then, they took those toys, stuck a bunch of electronics in there and coded them to sync up to PCs. Finally, they used the same code that we use to put nerds in the same room through online gaming and voila. You’ve got the Lovense remote fucking experience. You put the fleshlight on your dick, she puts the vibrator up her snatch and you can fuck each other. It’s a great way to make sure that your long-distance girlfriend doesn’t cheat on you. If she’s looking forward to getting remote dicked by you that evening, she’ll say no to the random guy at the bar who has an actual real penis for her. Lovense is basically helping you not get cucked. You should be thankful.

How it Works

These toys have three main modes. The best setup is easily the two-way mode. Every time you shove your cock inside your fleshlight, you a vibration across her pussy. Each time she rubs against her vibrator, you get a jolt in your fleshlight. You get it, it’s two way fucking and it’s all connected over the web. I trust their software to work just fine, since there’s no reason for it to crap out. Keep in mind, though, that gaming rules apply here. The further away she is, the more lag you’re going to get. I’m also assuming the two of you are going to be on cams or at least talking to each other over the phone, so you have to factor in that lag as well. That setup is your responsibility. There’s not much Lovense can do for your internet connection.

Public Play

This is easily the horniest part of the entire fucking website and it’s definitely my favorite. It’s not that I don’t like the idea of remote fucking; it’s just, I prefer the touch of real pussy. I’d rather have the real thing over a fleshlight any day. Still, I like the two-way shit for long-distance relationships. But, the public play really got me horny, I have to admit. I’ve dated some real freaks over the years and yes, I’ve been in situations where I’ve walked a girl around while she’s wearing a butt plug. It’s the hottest shit ever. We just went through a supermarket and it was fun watching her squirm. I would casually press against her ass when no-one’s looking. It was one of the hottest experiences of my life.

Naturally, when we got back to my place, I removed the butt plug and fucked her brains out. I came in her ass too. She was a real sport and I miss her sometimes. She was a real ball of crazy, though, so I had to cut her loose. Anyways, back to the topic at hand. Lovense has an entire line of toys that are meant for public play. They have these curves and edges that fit comfortably inside both the asshole and the vagina. They even have one that’ll stuff them both and envelop the clit. They also boast gigantic, industrial-strength vibrators that could knock down a wall at full strength: nothing but the best for my girls.

Multifunctional Toys

If you and your partner are into this kind of weird shit, you need to get your hands on a Lovense toy. The best part is, these toys are multifunctional, so it’s not like you’re only buying them for one purpose alone. You don’t have to use the covert butt plugs for public play. Hell, you can wear them yourself, at home or at the fucking gym. If you don’t want vibrations, turn them off. No harm done. If you want to hook them up to your phone and give the phone to your partner, you can do that too. You can even connect these toys to your PC and bridge them with your cam account so that you can accept donations from people. You know, like on Chaturbate.

So, these toys come with all the functionalities you could want and you decide how you’re going to use them. I like this kind of extensibility, because it means you buy the toy that fits you best, not the toy that has the features you want. They all have the features you want. You just have to figure out what shape is the best for you.

Some Funky Features

I’m not entirely sure how you’re supposed to use some of these features, but I like that they were thrown in for the hell of it. You can sync your sex toy… to your music player. That way, you can get fucked by your favorite song, I suppose. I’ve never really thought of this concept. I kind of feel bad. It seems so obvious. People love fucking to the sound of their favorite song, so why not wear a visualizer butt plug while you’re at it?

There’s even the option to sync the vibrations to external sounds. Again, I don’t know what the intended use case scenario is here. Are you supposed to scream into her snatch so that her butt plug spreads her asshole further? Or, maybe she’s supposed to feel more vibrations the more she moans in pleasure. I don’t know. Whatever the case, the options are there.

They’re Ridiculously Cheap

I genuinely do not understand how these bad boys are so fucking cheap. The amazing vibrating butt plug that they call Hush costs $99. Sure, it’s on sale, but it’s marked down from $119. Even at full price, that’s an astounding price for top of the line sex toys that can literally yeet an orgasm at you from another continent. You’d think they’d be trying to turn a profit or something. There’s also a versatile bullet vibrator for only $69. That’s brand pricing right there.

Their male masturbator, which is kind of like their flagship product for dudes, is only $49 right now. And yes, it’s because it’s apparently their final stock, but even at full price, it’s $99. If it really is as good as they say, it’s worth every penny. I’ve seen fleshlights go for a lot more, even without the high tech functionality. It seems that Lovense really wants you to enjoy yourself, at home and on the go, no matter how far you might be from the person you wish you were fucking. I applaud them for that. If you want to get your hands on some of the most amazing sex toys on the market, check out their selection today.