Park Lane Escorts

I was browsing the Park Lane Escorts menu all morning, ostensibly just so I could review their site for ThePornDude, but I’m not sure I can just sit on this information without doing anything. It’s kind of like finding out a local shop has a killer deal on that ice cream you really like, except you actually get to bust a nut for a few bones instead of licking up some melted dairy product. I was supposed to take my grandma out to dinner tonight, but I think she’d totally understand. Sometimes things come up.

Then again, part of the appeal of a joint like ParkLaneEscorts.com is in the scheduling. They’re a high-class London-based escort agency, which means you can probably find some company whenever you may find yourself lonely. That means I can arrange to meet up with a babe right after buying granny some fish and chips, or at some other point down the line. Then again, if any of these women are down to service couples, maybe grandma and I can enjoy a totally wholesome threesome. Let’s take a closer look and see what these refined and sophisticated perverts are really offering.

Getting Down with Park Lane Escorts

I initially thought ParkLaneEscorts might be another big escort directory, full of classified ads for hookers both independent and agency affiliated. Maybe the name should have given away the real premise, especially for anybody who’s been smashing escorts for a while in London. The agency has been around for well over a decade, and the relatively high traffic volume tells you a lot about their popularity. “Park Lane Escorts remain among the biggest and best high class London escort agencies in the capital,” reads the blurb on the About Us page.

Some of you cheapskates probably saw the phrase “high class” and immediately clicked your way out. Hey, I feel you; escorts can be expensive even when you’re fucking with the independent girls working out of the back booth at McDonald’s. You can actually browse the Park Lane Escorts by price, though, and they’ve got a few starting out at £150. I was expecting some haggard broads on the low end of the pricing spectrum, but it looks like the site doesn’t bother with ugly chicks. Even the cheap girls look beautiful.

Whether you’re spending a couple hundo or going all out with a four-grand overnight stay, you’ve got an important decision to make. Namely, which girl are you going to book? It’s a fucking killer selection, with about a hundred escorts to choose from on just the front page alone. It's not the thousands-deep selection you’ll find on some of the more inclusive directories, but should be enough to find the girl of your dreams. Anyway, since ParkLaneEscorts is an agency, they tend to maintain consistent standards with regards to the women. You ain’t going to be filtering through ugly chicks around here.

You can also browse ParkLaneEscorts.com by location. Since they’re a London-based agency, I really just expected a handful of locations around the capital. Turns out, they’ve actually got escorts listed around the UK and beyond. The current selection includes a couple babes out in New York City, though their listings for Moscow, Dubai and Mykonos are currently empty. I appreciate an agency with that kind of wide reach, because it implies a certain level of consistency even as you travel outside of London for some extracurriculars.

That said, you’re going to have access to the best selection on ParkLaneEscorts if you are in the London area. As soon as I hit the front page, I saw a blonde, a brunette and an exotic babe from South Kensington, a bondage slut from Mayfair and an elegant babe out of Knightsbridge. From Central London to Chelsea to Earls Court to Gloucester Road, they’ve got women in your area who are down for a good time tonight.

Who’s It Going to Be Tonight?

I won’t lie: I frequent escort sites enough that I have a bit of a routine. After getting the general lay of the land, I usually like to dig into the search function to try to narrow down my selection of escorts to something more manageable. ParkLaneEscorts.com doesn’t have the usual set of search, sort and filter options I expect from the bigger directories. That’s a little bit disappointing, but there is a nice little dropdown menu of Types available in the header.

There’s a really nice range of Park Lane Escorts to choose from, so you shouldn’t have to settle for some chick who ain’t your type just because she’s all that’s available. The Types menu gives you quick access to Blondes, Brunettes and Redheads; Slim, Petite and Curvy women; Bisexual Escorts, Girlfriend Experience and Couples. There is, however, a notable absence of common escort categories like BDSM, Fetish, Dominatrix and Massage.

I do wish the categories and the listings themselves were a little more explicit. On some escort sites, girls will post ads telling you all the filthy shit they’re willing to do in very graphic detail. ParkLaneEscorts.com is a more professional outfit, though, and that means the website itself is fairly sanitized for your protection and theirs. There’s a little bit of light T&A to gawk at, but women aren’t listing all their fetishes or kinky services by name.

There may be some guesswork and negotiating if you’re a freak and looking for something extra special, but I’m glad to see they’re transparent about the prices. Each listing breaks down the prices for incalls and outcalls, by the hour or overnight stays. There’s this 26-year-old blonde chick, Brianna, working out of Mayfair who charges £700 for a 3-hour outcall, which sounds like a perfect little rendezvous after my dinner with grandma later.

Bang a Hooker, Leave a Review

Brianna’s ParkLaneEscorts profile has some really gorgeous photos, plus stats like Height, Nationality, Hair Color, Sexuality and Languages. Scrolling down, I notice there’s also a review section. If you’re a regular at ThePornDude, you know reviews have become one of my make-or-break features for an escort site. I won’t even buy a bottle of lube or a new pocket pussy without reading the reviews, so why would I rent some actual pussy without doing my homework?

ParkLaneEscorts.com has a growing number of hands-on user reviews of their escorts. That said, it seems to be a relatively new feature on the website. Most of the escorts don’t yet have reviews, which makes me feel like I should get in there, bang some hookers and then write them up. You know, for the slut-banging community. (Oh, and I totally understand why most customers ain’t exactly rushing to post reviews of their favorite prostitutes. Anonymity on the internet is a real son of a bitch, ain’t it?)

I found a hottie named Sophia working out of Knightsbridge, and she’s got a 5-star review calling her the “HOTTEST GIRL IN LONDON”. The dude said she tastes like wine and made him feel 21 again. Combined with her photos and the 15-second video in her underwear, I think I might be in love. Well, I guess it's almost definitely just lust, which is good enough for me. She’s a pricey gal, though, charging six hundo for just an hour, incall or out. I guess I’m going to have to ask grandma if I can have my birthday money early.

There are some slight disadvantages to using an agency like Park Lane Escorts instead of one of the bigger directories, but they’re balanced out with the benefits. You have fewer women to choose from, for example, but they’re more consistently hot here. Prices are higher than with independent hookers, but again, you’re paying for a caliber you may not get with the back-alley crackwhores. Your searches on ParkLaneEscorts will be within limited locales, but that makes it easier to find a girl than on a site with truly worldwide listings.

ParkLaneEscorts.com has been around long enough that they almost deserve a look just based on longevity alone. They’ve clearly been keeping customers happy if they’ve been around as long as they have, and well, I also like being happy. It doesn’t cost anything to peruse their selection of local escorts plying their trade in your neighborhood, but I hope you’ve got strong willpower. Once you see these women, you’ll probably want to schedule a hookup.