SumoSearch

When I first heard of Sumo Search, I thought it was a site for gay fatties. I guess you could use it for that, since they’ve got listings for male, female and trans escorts selling their services in your area. I have to say, though, I was pleasantly surprised to find the place full of way more hot chicks than fat dudes.

Despite the weird-ass name, SumoSear.ch is an escort site that aggregates listings from other sites like MegaPersonals and SkipTheGames. The whole idea is to save you time looking for a paid lay, letting you run a search on one hooker site instead of a bunch of them. Just based on the traffic, I’m guessing it’s a good fucking idea. The site is barely a month old, but already gets around 6,000 visits a day. The real measure of any hooker site is how easy it makes it to buy sex ASAP, so let’s see what they’ve got to offer.

Stick Your Dick in a SumosEar

Before I go on, I need to talk about that domain some more. There’s definitely some cleverness to the way SumoSear.ch uses the Swiss .ch domain extension in the name. Drop it, though, and you go from SumoSearch to SumoSear, or is that Sumo’s Ear? However you slice it, the question remains: what does the name have to do with getting your dick sucked in the 7-11 parking lot for a small roll of bills?

Sumo Search is ostensibly a phone number search engine. There’s a search bar for typing in 10 digits, not to mention a big front-page blurb talking about how you can discover webpages with just a phone number, a service nobody has asked for or needs. Dig into the website’s FAQ, and they describe SumoSearch as “a powerful search engine specifically for phone numbers.”

Of course, you wouldn’t be reading a review of the joint on ThePornDude if this was just a service for finding your ex’s blog where she shills for an MLM program selling laxatives. A front-page selection of What’s Popular Near You reveals the site’s true nature, because everything that’s popular near me is hookers, apparently. The erotic workers are broken down into a half-dozen categories: Escorts, Female Escorts, Massage and Body Rubs, Male Escorts, Trans and Shemale Escorts, and Fetish and Domination.

Like any good escort site, the listings are also divvied up by location. SumoSear.ch uses your browser’s location to automatically find the closest cities listed on the site. If you’re using an incognito porn mode, you’ll need to enter your location by hand. I was immediately impressed by the nearby range of cities and towns that came up when I landed. On some sites, you only find listings in the big cities. Since these guys aggregate from multiple websites, I’ve already got a bigger selection than I’m used to seeing elsewhere.

Erotic Massages and Dirty Whores

My mom’s birthday is coming up, so I was thinking of getting her a coupon for a wholesome massage. I clicked on SumoSearch’s Massage and Body Rubs listings in my hood to see what they had available. Well, I hope my mom likes beautiful Asian women and happy endings as much as I do. More than a dozen photos of hot Oriental chicks have been posted in the last 24 hours. Almost all of the listings I see are from SkipTheGames, though there’s a stray MILF from AdultSearch.

Clicking an image brings me to a more complete listing. SumoSear strips down the original format of the posting on the source site, putting the images front and center. More info is listed in a sidebar, where they’ve made the phone number the most prominent piece of information. That stays in line with their setup as a phone number listing site. You don’t need to sign up or log in to see a babe’s phone number or other contact info.

You can click View Full Page Info to expand whatever SumoSear.ch has scraped from the original listing. I clicked the Info button beside the big-titty MILF masseuse and got a blurb about how she’s single, never married and friendly as hell as long as you’re not rude.

You may find even more info if you click the link to the girl’s listing on the original site. The information SumoSear had on the MILF, for example, didn’t include her payment types, fetish availability or even basic stats like height, hair color or ethnicity. It’s a common problem on sites like this that aggregate escort listings, since they’re grabbing info from websites that list it in different ways. I do hope that as they refine their website and their formula, they’re able to list and index more info. Not only would it make listings more useful, but it would also make the search function more powerful.

How Many Hot Escorts Live Near You?

Once I left the Massage area and checked out the Female Escorts, I struck the site’s real gold. The whole front page, 40 thumbnails of naked and semi-naked sluts, had been added in the last hour. Depending on where you live, these conditions may be reversed, with more whores selling their services as “Massage”. Half the chicks are showing their faces in addition to their bodies.

Whatever section you find them under, SumoSearch has a shit-ton of listings. I’ve got hundreds to dig through even if I just limit myself to today’s offerings. There’s a PAWG half an hour away selling the GFE via MegaPersonals, and a twat-flashing Latina on AdultSearch who’s willing to travel to me. I’ve immediately got the phone numbers for a big booty black girl, a blonde with huge tits and washboard abs, and a pouty-faced broad who looks like a budget-rate Kim Kardashian.

Beneath each thumbnail, you’ll find the most immediately useful information: the escort’s phone number and her distance from you. I like that distances are listed by travel time, and the immediacy of the digits means you can contact her right now. If you’re strapped for time, trying to get laid on your lunch break or while the wife has the kids at soccer practice, the format’s really going to help you out.

It’s such a big selection that I’m a little disappointed by the near-total lack of sort and search options. The search bar only takes numbers. I can change my location or category (Escorts, Fetish and Domination, Massage and Body Rubs, etc.), but I can’t sort the listings any other way. The dropdown menu in the corner only has two buttons, one of which leads me to a FAQ, the other with a comically useless SafeFilter. I engaged the filter just to see what happened, and it blurred every single photo on the site.

What Else Can You Sumo Search For?

In case you love chicks with dicks and were wondering, there are plenty of tranny escorts listed in the SumosEar. In my area, dozens upon dozens of shemales are offering their services for sale every day. I’m sure local demographics will play an absolutely enormous role in what you find, but the site itself certainly hasn’t left tranny fans out of the equation. There are considerably fewer male escorts listed around here, but again, your mileage will vary.

I was surprised by how few daily listings Sumo Search gets under Fetish and Domination; in my city, it’s the same couple listings posted day after day instead of any real selection. This may be due to the way SumoSear.ch indexes info from other websites, because I know there are more kinky bitches stepping on perverts for money around here than what they’re showing. If you’re looking for someone to spit in your mouth and call you names for a couple hundred an hour, you may have more luck searching another site.

Ultimately, SumoSear’s lack of searchability is the site’s biggest problem. If you’re looking for something specific, whether that’s a blonde with tattoos and a D-cup or a brunette who does fisting, it’s going to take a little extra digging and clicking through to other sites. If you’re just looking for a hot girl to have relatively vanilla sex with you for money, you’re much more likely to enjoy the site.

SumoSear.ch’s biggest strength is how they combine hooker listings from multiple escort directories all in one place. It saves you time in obvious ways. The site’s very new and has some quirks, but I see a lot of potential as they continue to develop. The more websites they add and more info they index, the more useful this site is going to be if you’re trying to get laid tonight. Why not go see what kind of poon they’ve got listed in your town?