GOG Adult Games

I pulled up Gog in my browser first thing this morning before I’d even had a chance to pull on a pair of boxers or wipe the sleep crust out of my eyes. You might think that’s out of character for your old pal The Porn Dude, what with the regular raging morning wood to take care of and all. The thing is, the site’s got more to offer a horny pervert these days than just the time-sucking RPGs and big-budget blockbuster games you might immediately envision. Hell, would I even be bringing up the site if there weren’t anything to jerk off to?

If you’re a gamer, you’re probably already familiar with Gog.com, a digital platform where you can buy games. They get an easy ten million visitors a month. And most of them are looking for fairly innocent adventures of science fiction bloodbaths, brutal fantasy eviscerations, and horrific simulations of modern-day violence. But if you look a little harder, you’ll even find some stuff that isn’t for kids. So let’s go find some of that dirty stuff.

One for the Perverts and the Nerds Alike

I always summarize the website I’m reviewing in the intro paragraphs. But with Gog, I had to resist comparing it to Steam right from the very start. They do the same basic thing, though: they’re both online game shops, both with an app that helps streamline the process of collecting all those games. Steam is a lot more popular, but Gog certainly has its adherents. If you play many games, you often end up using both simply because some games aren’t available on both platforms. Prices for the same game can vary between the two, as well.

I don’t want to get too deep into the whole Gog vs. Steam debate. That’s not really what I do around here, and I’m sure the gamers in the audience already have their own opinions. Personally, I use both. I appreciate Gog’s stance on DRM and find their approach to downloads more convenient, but games I buy through Steam seem to get update patches rolled out faster. Steam also has pretty fucking good mod integration.

Am I a pervert first and a gamer second, or is it the other way around? Either way, I want to buy something that will keep me twiddling my thumbs while I sit around naked. If I had to pick Steam or Gog.com primarily for its masturbatory utility, I’d have to go with Gog. Why? Because they seem to have better policies about carrying adult-oriented material. If your goal is to beat off, the content makes it an easy choice.

Putting the Fear of Gog into Steam

Steam does allow adult content. In fact, those of you who play porn games or who read my reviews here and on BestPornGames already know there are adult games on Steam. They’re unclear about what’s allowed and what isn’t, though, and it’s not uncommon for adult games to get deleted from the platform. Other times, they’ll sell you a neutered version of a game with the sex removed. You end up having to download and install a patch to put the nudity back in.

Gog.com has never had the kind of traffic Steam enjoys. So from my perspective, it seems like a no-brainer to fill that void left in the market by Steam’s wishy-washy attitude. Well, it turns out they’ve actually been doing so for a few years now. In 2018, Valve (Steam) started sending warning emails to visual novel developers, telling them to censor their games. Right away, visual novels began popping up on Gog, moving to a platform more open and accepting of the wants and needs of voting-aged consumers.

This migration of adult-oriented content has been going on for a while and seems to have recently picked up steam (ha!). There are several high-profile games that either switched from one platform to the other, like Subverse and Evincle. However, the bigger news was when Gog got VenusBlood HOLLOW, a game that Steam had rejected outright for its content.

Oh, and while we’re on the subject of VenusBlood HOLLOW, this is a good place to point out another one of Gog’s winning features over Steam. Remember when I mentioned those patches Steam makes you download to see the uncensored adult content? The Steam official policy is that those patches don’t even exist, which is obviously bullshit since you download them from the original game developer’s websites. Gog’s policy on the matter is simple: they just give you any of the relevant adults-only patches you might need. So instead of hunting them down to fully unlock the game you just paid for, you can download it from Gog and get right to playing with your one free hand.

Is Gog Steamier Than Steam?

Do you want to know something funny? I was using Gog.com for a good long while before I realized they had any fapworthy content. I mean, look at the front page, and what do you see? Well, right now, they’re hawking the Dishonored Complete Collection, The Witcher: Wild Hunt, Fallout: New Vegas, Ultimate Edition, and Wolfenstein II: The New Colossus. It’s a hell of a selection for gamers of all ages, but nary a thing aimed at sexual deviates or the general masturbating public.

When I found out they had Subverse, I typed the title into their search bar. Sure enough, there it was. I even had to click a button confirming I was an adult before I got to look at the listing. As with any product on Gog, it’s a beautiful presentation full of pictures and videos, plus all the relevant descriptions, factoids, and specs. In other words, it’s the kind of presentation a production like Subverse deserves.

Adult games are often relegated to dusty, decrepit corners of the internet. That’s why it gives such a warm and squishy feeling to me as a gamer and a professional pervert to see one on the same site as Cyberpunk 2077 and given the same treatment as any other game in the shop.

Well, almost. I know Gog has these adult games because they pop right up if I type them into the search bar. Subverse, VenusBlood HOLLOW, Evenicle, and Summer Memories were also easy to find because I’d heard of them. It’s a nice selection of adult games, but the problem is there’s no good way to select them. I can’t even tell you how many eroge games are on the site because I couldn’t find a list.

Show Me to Your Masturbation Room, Please

It’s frustrating to know those games are there, in their full, uncensored glory, but not be able to find them easily. There’s no adult game genre or tag, so searches for terms like Sex, Eroge, Adult, or Hentai brought up irrelevant results if anything at all. Summer Memories Deluxe Edition came up when I searched for Doujin, but most of my searches left me empty-handed and blue balled, just like my ex-wife.

I’d like to tell you there’s an Adults Only section coming soon to Gog. Steam, despite its failings, does have an entire aisle of games for grown-ups. They even make you sign in and confirm your age to look at them. So it seems like an obvious move for Gog to do the same thing, especially when their looser policies allow for a larger, better catalog than their bigger, more well-known competitor.

I bet they’re walking a tightrope, though, unsure what to do yet. I read through some forum threads on the subject, some going back a few years, and opinions on the subject have always been sharply divided. It’s easy to forget that not everyone is a depraved masturbator trying to fill an old sock with sperm while gaming. But, on the other hand, they also don’t necessarily want some hentai titties shaking in their kid’s face while they’re just trying to buy some DLC for Roller Coaster Tycoon.

Given their lenient policies on adult content and the overall excellent presentation of their website, Gog.com has the potential to be a truly world-class adult game shop that could easily give Steam a run for their money. The only thing they’re missing is a browsable section of the stuff, so horny gamers could find something ideally suited for both their gaming and their masturbatory preferences. Until then, though, the site remains the superior site to purchase full, uncensored versions of your favorite porn games.