Red Light Center

RedLightCenter! An adult MMO RPG from Utherverse! Some of you old fuckers remember the early days of cybersex. You had to wait 10 minutes for your dial-up to connect, then you typed dirty messages back and forth with some dude who told you he was a horny teenager. These days you can just play RedLightCenter. The game lets you plunge a veiny digital cock into a big-titted computer whore through the magic of virtual reality.

This is the evolution of those boring old sex chats. Those required a lot of multitasking on your end, demanding you fap, type, and imagine all the action. RedLightCenter makes the interfacing a bit easier and gives you some nice visuals in the form of a virtual sex wonderland.

Live Your Fantasy

The landing page of Red Light Center has "LIVE YOUR FANTASY" in big letters on the marquee. A couple of tatted-up CG sluts grace the screen, tits out. One’s got pierced nipples. I guess this is the level of realism we should expect from the game. Not bad.

A few social media icons peek out from above the text. Their Twitter page has 3,500 followers, and nearly 11k on Facebook. Those are just the pervs who are open about their masturbatory habits with everyone they know. The actual number of users has to be way higher.

A link to RedLightCenter’s PornHub page features a bunch of videos of in-game sex. They’ve got over a million views, so it’s hot enough for people to whack off to. The interracial cuckold creampies and MILFs gagging on cum can only be better if you’re playing it live, right?

RedLightCenter boasts that they’re “the world’s largest Adult Virtual Community made up of thousands of real, fun and open people waiting to meet someone like you!” The offer was intriguing enough for me to click Play Now.

Build Your Virtual You

Before they even try to get me to sign up, RedLightCenter has me choose a virtual avatar. I have a selection of handsome studs or hot chicks to pick from. A little note says I can change my appearance later in the game, or shop for a whole new look. Good news, because I need a more handsome, studlier avatar, to match the real deal.

Then it’s time for a quick signup. Pick a name, give them an email address, and you’re off to a download page. RedLightCenter used to be PC only, but now Mac users can get in on the freakiness, too. The Windows option gave me a 305 MB download and sent me to a home screen while to wait.

The page shows off some of RedLightCenter’s baked-in social media features. My profile pic and all the info is blank, but I’ll fill it in later. I’ve got one message in my inbox, probably a generic welcome. Since I’m brand new, I don’t have any friend requests, comments or gifts.

RedLightSystem uses a point system to track Popularity, Karma, Sexiness, and Friendliness. My score is zero now, so I guess I better work on being a decent and caring sexual deviant. On the other hand, if my score is already zero, a surprise turd dildo ain’t gonna count against me. I’m just saying.

A row of tabs gives me access to other pages, like my Profile, Messages, Pictures, and Property. I’ll check out more of the web stuff in a bit, but right now I want to go check on that download that just finished.

Geico, Sarah McLachlan, and My Dick

The game installer is asking for “At least 576.6 MB”, which I’m totally cool with. I was worried they were going to make me download 4 terabytes of digital BDSM dungeons, but it looks like I don’t have to worry about that. Yet.

The game finished installing in just a couple of minutes. I clicked Finish and Launched Red Light Center, then I waited through another couple minutes of loading and the Terms of Service Agreement before the game.

Do you know what’s funny as hell? I heard a Geico ad start playing and I was sure it was some pop-up ad from some tab I’d forgotten about. It turns out the ad was the first clue that RedLightCenter had loaded. The ad even pauses if I leave the window, so I have no choice but listen to the whole thing if I want to play.

The ad turned out to be part of a radio station I can’t seem to turn off. It would be a less annoying feature if I could at least change the station. I really don’t want to hear this lame old lady rock.

Maybe it’s only playing because you start the game in some kind of dance club. If you walk out onto the dance floor, you start dancing. That’s neat enough, I guess, but you know what I’m here for. It’s not the dancing.

Some of the other players are dancing, and a few are exchanging pleasantries in the text chat in the corner of the screen. There’s a voice chat if I want to get into it. Nobody has their clothes off.

I find a row of virtual computer monitors on the side of the room. They display helpful-looking screens like What Is The Virtual World Web, and How To Become A Working Girl. They all just point your web browser at different links, taking you out of the game. None of them tell me where to go for a virtual creampie or how to whip up the cream.

Okay, Where’s the Sex?

I found a big TV screen above the bar offering a tour of the place. Yeah, that’s what I’m looking for. Too bad the annoying radio keeps playing while they’re showing me the video.

I strained my ears to listen to the virtual dude on the virtual screen struggle to speak over more Geico ads and Barenaked Ladies songs. He went on about how you can design your avatar to look like whatever you want and live a rich and fulfilling fake life.

RedLightCenter will let you fulfill your wildest dreams of becoming a reality star or opening real stores, apparently. It looked like a lot of Barbie Doll shit to me, honestly. I don’t care much about customizing my virtual dream house or whatever.

The guy finally hinted that there were adult activities and various live events if you looked under the Explore tab. The video showed a dance club and what looked like a strip club.

Now things were getting interesting. The pre-recorded dude told me he was going to address a couple of common questions before he let me explore RedLightCenter. This is where he ruined the whole fucking thing for me.

That’s How They Get You

Apparently, the most common question is “What is a VIP Member?” I’d already seen a couple offers to become one, and yeah, I was kind of wondering.

The dude gave a few VIP Membership benefits that I forgot immediately. I forgot them immediately because they were stupid and didn’t matter at all. What mattered was a couple of seconds later, when he told me I’d have to become a VIP member to unlock any of the sex features.

The son of a bitch even illustrated his point with some virtual sex, the kind I’d be allowed to have starting at around twenty bucks a month. A CG slut with a pornstar body rode a guy’s dick in a club. It’s sort of public but virtual, which is weird and sexy in ways my brain can’t fully unwrap.

They also offer a premium membership with a few more features for a few more dollars. Memberships are cheaper if you prepay for longer periods. You may also need to use your real money to purchase some RedLightCenter fake money.

That virtual money seems like it would come in handy. You could use it to pay one of RedLightCenter’s virtual escorts. Apparently they wear red, so keep your eyes open. I’m sure the strip clubs take the same currency.

If you’re looking for some T&A in virtual reality, it’s here, but it’s going to take an investment on your part. Fans of role-playing and VR chats will have fun building relationships that lead to deep and meaningful cybersex, while others will have to hire virtual working girls. Either way, you’ll need a RedLightCenter VIP Membership to fuck in their world.