Pornhub Casino

PornhubCasino aka Playhub Casino! What is it about gambling and sex that makes them pair so well together? Throw in some drugs and alcohol, and you’ve got yourself a party. I think it has something to do with the fact that upstanding, responsible citizens aren’t supposed to let loose and just enjoy these things. You’ve always had to visit the same kind of places to get them. PlayHubCasino is operated by a company out of Las Vegas, so they could probably tell you a thing or two about that.

Online casinos are nothing new, but PlayHub Casino (previously known as PornHubCasino or PH Casino) is. The site got off the ground in mid-2018, differentiating themselves from the competition with their claim of having the world’s sexiest live dealers. A gambling website with tits? That sounds like it’d be right up my alley.

Sexy Live Casino Games

The pre-login screen has all the flash of a casino, plus a lot of T&A. Scrolling banner ads offer Sexy Live Baccarat, Sexy Live Blackjack, and Sexy Live Casino Hold ‘Em. I’m sensing a theme. Jackpots roll like a stock ticker at the top of the screen. Apparently, a game called The Slotfather has a $48k “Progressive Jackpot”.

Scrolling down the page, I see more ads for games. These ones even show a preview if I hover my mouse over the image. Looks like they’re not joking about the sexy live dealers for blackjack. The chick pulling her top down has such succulent tits, I wonder how many players she’s going to distract from the game.

Porn-themed digital slot machines are big items on the menu, too. From the front page, I can see cheerleader slots, pirate slut slots, and big tit slots. PlayHubCasino displays options to PLAY FOR FUN or PLAY FOR REAL, so it looks like they have some toys to play with even if you don’t want to risk actual money.

In typical casino style, PlayHubCasino has a bunch of different ways to take your money. You can go the traditional route with PayPal or Visa/MasterCard, or some fancy new-fangled shit like Neosurf, Skrill, or half a dozen others.

They also take bitcoin, which is great news for all the cyber-scammers and darknet drug dealers. It’s hilarious how nerds will tell you bitcoin is the future of legit money, but you can literally only use it to gamble on porn sites or buy LSD through the mail. Yeah, let me convince my grandma to invest in this wholesome digital currency.

I actually just sent the last of my bitcoin to some broad I met on craigslist. She gave a hell of a blumpkin, but afterward, I had to load up my PlayHubCasino account with normal-people money.

When I visited, the site was offering a code to double your first deposit by up to $500. I’d almost call the advertising for it obnoxious, but hey, it’s basically free gambling money. You were probably going to spend that much anyway, so save a few and take some of theirs.

If It Gets Too Sexy

Once you log in, you get some more game options. They saved the worst for last, apparently. It looks like none of the new stuff is even sex-themed. There’s a 3D Doctor Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde slot game, one with cartoon-faced fruit, and a few based on fantasy creatures from different human eras.

There’s one called Ogre Empire which I couldn’t help laughing at. What kind of fucking knucklehead logs in to a gambling site with live boobies and then spends their time and money playing a knock-off Shrek game? It’s probably one of you freaks, isn’t it?

Slots with Sluts

Remember that old Beavis and Butt-head bit where they mixed up slots and sluts? Hell, I’m a grown-ass man and I still make the same connection. It’s really fucking hard not to. Sluts. Slots. Slits. Slats.

PlayHubCasino clearly feels me on that. Not with their bullshit fake Shrek, of course, but their slut-based slot machines are my type of game.

The very first one I tried, the Pornstar Slots, didn’t work. I got a message saying they were updating the game, and please come back later. The Teen Slots gave me the same message, but the Cheerleader Slots loaded up in about 30 seconds.

The game runs on Flash and loads in a box on the game page. You’ll want to hit the FullScreen button you’ll find beneath the thumbs-up and thumbs-down icons. You can play it windowed, but it’s going to be a fucking challenge.

PlayHubCasino is technically mobile-friendly, but you’re going to have a hard time playing on a small screen. A decent tablet might work, but I couldn’t imagine trying this on my phone. The controls are just too small.

The Cheerleader slot machine works like any other slot machine, only the bells and fruit have been replaced by stills and videos of cheerleaders. Well, technically, they’re pornstars dressed like cheerleaders, but that’s better, isn’t it?

The gameplay is what you’d expect. You can adjust your lines, coin size, and bets. Hit the spin button. Hit the spin button again. Win money. Lose money. Look at the girls fucking and touch yourself. Hit spin.

Try not to let the terrible music and beautiful women distract you. It can get expensive if luck’s not on your side.

Sexy Live Blackjack

There are a few links on PlayHubCasino’s main page to different games with live dealers. They list all of their games, but they’re not always running. The easiest way to see what’s live is to click the DEALERS ALL GAMES link with the sexy broads and roulette wheels.

When I visited, there were roulette and blackjack games going on. If you used the ALL GAMES link, you’ll get a list of tables and see who’s working them. A babe named Taty with huge tatas was running one, and a new girl (”trainee”) was running the other.

Taty and the trainee switched games about halfway through my visit. Taty was much better at the banter and flirting with the camera, but I’m sure there’s a steep learning curve. They’re not working with the same kind of feedback they’d get if we were in the same room.

The format is something they’re clearly still working out. I think the basic idea is there, and it functions, but the whole thing will be so much smoother and sexier when they get the kinks out. It felt like sometimes the girls weren’t sure what they were supposed to be doing at a table in a basically empty room. Hey, me neither.

I gotta say, kudos to PlayHubCasino for the outfits these chicks have got on. They reveal so much, yet leave just enough for the imagination to go fucking wild. It’s some lovely live eye candy to check out while you’re gambling.

The blackjack screen gives you the best view of the girl. She’s kind of obscured and off to the side if you play roulette, but she’s dead center when she’s dealing cards. Every few minutes, the girls flash their boobs.

One interesting thing I noticed is that you select your table limits going in, but you actually end up sitting at the same table no matter what. I don’t understand the logistics, but it’s something to keep in mind. You might want to be a high-roller, but you’ll bet at the same table with the one-dollar bums.

I had better luck at the live games than I did at the slut slots. It could be a pacing thing. When you’re playing with live dealers and live opponents, you’ve got to wait for them. Those pornstar slot machines burn money at whatever pace you can hit that SPIN button.

Sex-themed slot machines are an interesting novelty in online gambling, but they’re not what makes PlayHubCasino special. The live games are really where it’s at. They only had a couple going on when I visited, and they still need to work out some kinks, but it’s a fun way to gamble. I’m never going to say no to having sex thrown into the mix.