BitStarz

BitStarz has only been around since 2004, making it significantly younger than some of the other online betting parlors like SportsBetting or BetUS. That ripe freshness doesn’t stop eager gamblers from streaming in every day, and in fact, they’re nearly as popular as some of their longer-standing competition. You can’t jerk off to their site like most of the joints I’m reviewing here at ThePornDude, but I’m pretty sure they fit my theme with their brand of adults-only entertainment.

BitStarz.com is an online casino where you can gamble with traditional cash or some of that newfangled Internet money. Why settle for the slow-paced thrills of watching your bitcoin or ethereum appreciate when you can drop it into virtual fruit machines and bet it on casino games? Maybe I’m jaded by my usual web-browsing routine of flashing lights and naked girls, but this shit seems a lot more fun than staring at a fucking graph all day.

Their front page features a stack of awards wrapped in laurel leaves. They’ve got an Accredited Casino badge from Casinomeister and a Best Support 2020 Award from the same brand. They’ve also got a couple of awards from AskGamblers, including Best Casino of 2017. Honestly, though, I doubt the awards are why 14,000 users are streaming in every day. Let’s find out what the real hubbub is all about.

Bonuses, Promos and General Perks

The very first thing I saw when I loaded up BitStarz.com was a big, fat offer to double your first bitcoin deposit, plus 180 free spins on top. A few of the online casinos I’ve reviewed lately have bitcoin bonus offers, but this is one of the biggest I’ve seen. The cynics out there might assume it’s just to sucker you into a huge first deposit that you’re going to gamble away immediately, but there are other practical reasons for the emphasis on crypto. For one thing, it cuts out a lot of the transaction fees on your end and their end.

If you dig into their Promotions page, you’ll find a lot of the promo offers are aimed squarely at BTC gamblers. You get a 50% bump on your second and third deposits, and then another 100% bonus on your fourth. Even if you’re spending some other type of funds, you can still cash in on their 50% reload bonus every Monday. There are also free spins on Wednesdays, and 20 free spins for new signups. There’s no deposit required for those free spins, so go wild, cheapskates.

BitStarz doesn’t sell bitcoin, so you’ll have to get it somewhere else, like Coinbase. If you’d rather not fuck with bitcoin at all, no worries, because they accept multiple currencies and crypto currencies. It’s really one of the magical things about the Internet, this ability to gamble worldwide, and they definitely make it easy to keep putting whatever money you’ve got into the machine. Keep in mind; you can only cash out in the same currency you deposited in.

The FAQ about payments and withdrawals says their average cashout time is just 10 minutes, but it depends on what method was used for a deposit. I ain’t Sherlock Holmes, but I’d bet my right nut the reason their usual cashout time is so fast is because most customers are using BTC. It seems like the way to go in pretty much every respect, but hey, don’t let a professional masturbator tell you what kind of fake money to spend. I’ll just be over here, enjoying my fat bitcoin bonuses, avoiding the fees and skipping the ID verification line.

American-Friendly Online Gambling

Signup was quick and easy, and you get 20 free spins when you click the validation email. When I was getting set up, I noticed they had a big bonus for big spenders, 125% instead of the usual 100% on bitcoin. The minimum deposit for the VIP bonus is .15 BTC, which is nearly $9,000 as of this writing. That’s definitely a lot, but hey, you get to gamble with $18k worth of bitcoin.

I already blew my stimulus check on lube and paysite subscriptions, so my initial deposit was a bit more modest. Since I used bitcoin, it was a quick, painless process of copy/pasting the deposit address. If you want to use “real” money instead, the process is a bit more involved. It reminds me of old people writing checks at the grocery store when it’s way fucking faster to slide a card or hold your phone to the machine. It’s a little effort to set up a bitcoin wallet, but it makes all of this shit a breeze.

Do you know what else I like about BitStarz.com? As an American, I don’t need a VPN to use this site. Roobet’s been getting a lot of attention lately, and they’re a fun site, but you’ve got to use a premium app to circumvent their region restrictions. The same goes for websites like 1xBet. With BitStarz, it’s as simple as pointing my browser at the site and gambling while I take a shit.

I haven’t been to an actual casino since the pandemic started. People are getting vaccinated and that shit’s on the decline, but I’m still a little wary of all the mouthbreathers spit-talking while they place their table bets. BitStarz is a good option to stay away from the crowds, though I guess you could also play from your phone in the middle of COVID infection orgy. That’s just the magic of the fucking Internet, my friend.

Getting Lost in All These Games

Do you ever get lost in a casino? It ain’t just the booze, the drugs or the sleep deprivation. They’re designed to be disorienting, with those crazy-patterned carpets that swallow tokens if you’re unlucky enough to spill them. BitStarz.com may not have the sprawling rooms full of games to literally get lost inside of, nor the intentionally confusing layouts, but holy fuck, there are a lot of fucking games here.

Do you ever spend hours perusing Netflix, just trying to decide which flick is worth your valuable time? Have you ever gone soft, lube growing cold and crusty on your ding-dong as you click through videos on Pornhub, looking for just the right black anal lesbian threesome? Well, you may have a little trouble here, considering BitStarz.com has over 2,000 slots and a ton of other games.

What’s your poison? How about a Western-themed machine with dogs as the old-timey bandits? That’s the setup to Desperate Dawgs, one of their newest slots. Hey, these ain’t your grandpa’s boring fruit machines. You can find slots with all kinds of crazy-ass themes, like viking warriors, Egyptian gambling gods and rhino safaris.

Then again, maybe you’re a grandpa and want some of that classic action where you line up cherries. Hey, all good, because there’s fun for all adult ages here. You can even risk it all on a few dozen classic table games like Blackjack, Texas Hold’em, Rocket Dice and Roulette.

I was browsing the BitStarz.com table games when I realized they’re missing something I’ve seen on other online casinos: live dealers. I poked around and found out they actually do have a Live Casino section, but I can’t access it from the United States. It looks like that VPN will come in handy after all. (Check out my reviews of the Best VPN Sites here at ThePornDude if you’re looking for the right fit!)

The other missing element on BitStarz that you’ll find elsewhere is sports betting. It seems like sites that were initially set up for sports betting have casino sections, but sites built as casinos are less likely to include sports. It’s obviously not going to be a dealbreaker if you’re not the sports betting type, plus you get a deeper selection of games on BitStarz than the bookie sites.

Ultimately, the biggest selling points at BitStarz are the absolutely massive selection of games, plus the magic of bitcoin. You can use other currencies and other crypto types, but the whole site is really set up to encourage BTC usage. You get a lot of added convenience and a fucking ton of bonuses for depositing in BTC. It’s practically wasting money to use traditional money, not to mention all the extra hassle that comes with it. If you’ve got an e-wallet you’re just sitting on and you like slots, this joint might become your new addiction.