Oshi Casino

Boys, it’s time to piss your money away. If you’re a grown man over or under the age of 42, you should know that the best way to turn your hard-earned cash into dookie is to spend it on expensive wine or gamble it away on a slot machine. Expensive wine tastes like cheap wine – all wine tastes like shit. Get a beer and gamble your money away like a real man, all right?

Now we arrive at the point of this fucking review – Oshi.io. This right here is one in a long line of fantastic places to turn your hard-earned cash into pixels, then turn those pixels into more pixels, then less, then more again for a long time, and later crash them all back down to zero. Or, who knows, you might turn into an overnight millionaire. What the fuck do I know? I write porn reviews for a living. I’m not your accountant. Maybe Oshi.io will turn you into the next Jeff Bezos. Maybe gambling on slot machines is how that guy made all his cash, to begin with. We’ll never know.

Without further ado, let’s talk about slot machines.

High Quality Games

We’re all here for the games. Every slot casino is the same if you strip away the façade and reveal the code that makes it all work. It’s just numbers floating around inside a computer somewhere, and you’re hoping for the big bad number to fall in your lap. That’s not fun, though. Gambling isn’t just about the money; it’s also about the excitement. There’s this rush feeling of anticipation when the slot machine is spinning, and you just want to see some cherries pop so you can get the money to start the damn thing spinning again, I guess. You’re a hamster on a wheel, running in place to earn the privilege to run again. Let’s not get too caught up in metaphor; let’s talk about the games.

They’re good. I like them. The quality is what exactly you’d expect out of a 2022 gambling site. They’re all coded in next-gen web game engines, meaning they’re lightweight, they load fast, and they work great. They’re also kind of responsive and flexible, allowing you to run as many instances of games as you’d want. They’re encouraging you to do just that. There’s the option to run multiple games in one window, and it’s all swift and responsive. It’s instant. You don’t have to look around to find it. You can split up your window into as many games as you’d like. With a multi-monitor setup, you can be pissing away your money in 20 different ways at once if you’re expedient.

A Variety of Slots

There are just too many different virtual slot machines here, and that’s a good thing. It’ll keep you distracted from the fact that they all operate with the same code. It would be nice to see some sort of gameplay that’s added to the challenge. Hell, I’d press a button to make a ball bounce around if it meant I could feel like there’s some sort of interaction going on. But, alas, all of the slots are one-click adventures. Meaning, you click one button to see the slots spin, and that’s about as far as the gameplay goes. It’s just a slot machine with a particular coat of paint. You get bored of one paint job; you move on to another.

Luckily, Oshi.io employed several different game studios to make their games, and they proudly list the creators under each slot machine. This is where the variety becomes very evident. I tried this game called Chi. It’s supposed to give Asian vibes, and it’s got that hardcode anime feel. Anyways, that game was so wrapped up in oriental decorations; I’m surprised it didn’t come with a side of sushi and blurry vaginal fluid as a dipping sauce. This was enough originality to make me forget, for a moment, that it was the same experience as all the other slot machines on the site. Oh well, if it works, it works. I can safely say that if you are a diehard slot machine fan, you’ll love the games on this site.

Fast, Responsive, Simple

What I hated, you will love, provided you’re into slots, that is. These virtual slot machines are simple and quick. Oshi.io knew their target demographic would want slot machines that start-up, work fast, and don’t require a lot of thinking. I’ve seen serious slot gamblers both in real-life casinos and on their computers. They’re ruthless. They want to keep pressing buttons until they’re sore. Then, they break out the Bengay, rub it into their wrists, and start pressing buttons again.

Slot gamblers like to multitask and simplify. They don’t enjoy entering the coins into the machine, and they don’t like moving around. What they want is pressing the button or pulling the lever or whatever the hell else the machine requires before it starts spinning fruity symbols in your face. At this point, I wouldn’t be surprised if slot machines started requiring a complimentary reach-around before they spat out the big bucks.

That’s why I’m sure that Oshi.io’s slots are making a killing. I mean, I didn’t precisely check their income sheets – I don’t own the damn site. I just know the slot lovers will enjoy this site. It was custom-tailored to be welcoming to them.

Don’t Like Slots?

That’s where the roulette comes in. As much as I hate the impersonal touch of digital gambling, I’ll admit I love roulette wheels. Something is alluring about that damn game. Every time I’m in a real-life casino with a chick in one hand and a stiff drink in the other, I make damn sure to hit the roulette table. Luckily, Oshi.io has several roulette tables to choose from. There is, of course, a classical table with no modified rules or neat innovations. But, if you want something fresh and exciting, you can check out some of the more original spins on the game. Get it? Spins. I crack myself up.

Live Casinos

Oshi.io comes with a ton of live gambling action, and honestly, this is where the big boys go to gamble if you ask me. Whenever I get a hankering for some gambling, but I happen to be far from any real casino, I jump into a streamed casino game. It’s the best way to kill some time while also having an exciting evening. Hell, the scotch is cheaper at home. Granted, you could also jerk off, but the casino is recommended for right after when your mind is the clearest. Men gamble better when they’re clear-headed.

There are a ton of live tables on Oshi.io. From several different providers with tons of games, some of which I’ve never even heard of. Naturally, you get the classic BlackJack, Poker, and Roulette tables, with dozens of original games in between to keep things interesting. There’s no shortage of gambling solutions on this site. They’ve done a great job creating a welcoming destination for people who like to set money on fire and hope that even more money gets spat back out.

Awesome, Streamlined Site

Oshi.io keeps things simple. You need to make an account on the site to gamble, and after that, you’re free to deposit as little as $10 to get the ball rolling. There’s an upper limit of $4000 on singular deposits, and I’d advise you not to try hitting that limit right off the bat. Gamble slowly and responsibly. If you’re not enjoying it and taking your time, then you’re doing it wrong.

The best part of the deposit system they’ve got here is that you can use damn near any payment gateway, wallet, or service you can think of. They support all major credit and debit cards and all the popular e-wallets like Skrill and Neteller. Hell, you can even deposit in Bitcoin, Bitcoin Cash, Ethereum, Litecoin, and Tether. Yes, you heard me right – you can gamble in crypto on this site.

So, if you bought a bunch of Bitcoin back in the day and you can’t figure out what to do with it, try gambling it away. It might be your next favorite little late-night hobby. Personally, I feel comfortable recommending Oshi.io since they’re a reputable site with great games and a very streamlined process.

Lest you say that I didn’t warn you, let me just say again that gambling comes with risks, and you should keep your wits about you. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do. If you’re down to your last $10, don’t gamble them away. Put them in a stripper’s G-string and count your blessings.