SlotoCash

Sloto Cash has been trusted online since 2007, at least if you’re willing to believe the catchphrase beneath the logo. I’m kind of a hands-on motherfucker, though, and you’ll know that if you’ve ever read my pornography reviews. This joint requires a different type of repetitive hand motion than I’m usually doing, but it’s still a vice, which means I’m pretty fucking good at it. Finish jerking off, pack the bong, unwrap some candy and keep on biting those nails—it’s time to add gambling to the list of bad habits you’ll keep today.

You know, if SlotoCash.im didn’t list their birth year right below the logo, I probably wouldn’t have guessed they’ve been around longer than a decade. The site has been oft-overlooked, overshadowed by some of the bigger and more popular sites. They offer online gambling in various styles, which is enough to catch my attention, which is why I’m visiting today.

Funky Setup, but Americans Welcome

One of the reasons I didn’t think SlotoCash was that old is just the fact that I hadn’t heard of them until fairly recently. Really, that’s on me for not being diligent in my study of the web’s finest adult entertainment sites, but I still thought the website was new even when I pulled it up. Why? Because it looks cheap compared to the bigger sites out there. It’s got a really off-brand vibe, and the IM domain doesn’t help. If I didn’t know any better, I’d suspect somebody slapped it together fairly recently and it was still a work in progress.

Then again, I often review older porn sites that wear their age like a badge of pride. The difference between a longstanding scat fetish site and an online casino that’s been around a decade-plus is that the casino should be making bank, and they should be upgrading their looks. Everything in Vegas is covered in flashing lights, so you know there’s lots of fucking money there. (Whether or not you’ll actually score any of it is another story entirely.)

Let’s talk about that IM domain again, because it isn’t as bad as it looks. That’s the Internet country code top-level domain for the Isle of Man. Why the fuck are they on this masculine island instead of a dot-com like all the lesbian tubes you crank it to? Well, online casinos often get the weird domains because of all the interlocking laws worldwide regulating gambling.

I’m not a lawyer and I don’t know the precise ins and outs of why they chose the IM, but I do know it’s working out for them just based on the site’s age. I also know it’s working out for me, because Americans are allowed to play freely on SlotoCash.im, no VPN necessary. They don’t lock the front door to Yankees like Roobet, Casumo and 1xBet do, so step right up and get that credit card or e-wallet ready.

Oh, speaking of, SlotoCash accepts both traditional and cryptocurrency, with a bunch of deposit/withdrawal options. You can gamble with bitcoin and Litecoin, Visa and Mastercard or even American Express, Skrill, Neteller, ECO or Direct Money. Like any good international casino, they want to make it as easy as possible for gamblers worldwide to get in on the action.

You can get paid out via check or bank wire, but those are limited to one per week and come with pretty hefty fees involved. Bitcoin payouts are also limited to once a week, but at least there are no transaction fees. Neteller, Skrill and ecoPayz are all free and unlimited. Most payment types are processed within 72 hours, which is fine but not amazing.

Now That’s What I Call a Welcome Bonus

So, what the hell’s an online casino to do when it just doesn’t have the sparkle and pizazz of their bigger, more well-known competitors? Well, bonuses are a good way to start.

Pretty much every crypto casino out there is going to give new players an initial deposit bonus. Earlier today, I reviewed LibertySlots and was impressed by their offer to double the first three purchases. Most joints only give you one. Well, SlotoCash.im goes a little further, offering a match bonus on the first five deposits, plus 300 free spins. The maximum bonus is $7,777, which is really fucking good, ten times the max over at Liberty.

If you read the fine print on any of these welcome offers on the casino sites, there’s always a requirement that you have to wager the bonus amount a certain number of times. Here, the minimum is 25x, which is better than what most of the other guys offer. I’m starting to feel bad about making fun of their crusty layout. (Not really, though; this place needs an upgrade in the looks department if only to get with the times.)

They’ve also got fresh bonuses daily and monthly. These are coupon-based, so you’ll definitely want to check the Sloto Cash promo page for the deets as they rotate the offers. I’m reviewing this in April, while there’s a monthly pack offering a $150 freebie and 75 free spins to their loyal players. Today’s daily jackpot bonus is up to 225% match and 50 spins on Cash Bandits 3. Nice!

Another perk they list on the Sloto Cash front page is the ability to get down with Download, Instant Play, or Mobile. They have a Windows app available that gives you access to everything SlotoCash has to offer. Instant Play is the web-based version, and as far as I can tell, SlotoCash Mobile is literally the same thing. I couldn’t find an iOS or Android app available for download, but the site does look and function well on my phone.

They also hype up their paper-printed rag, Sloto Magazine. As you may have guessed, it’s basically a glorified advertisement for their site, but goddamn, it really does look sharp. The polished magazine format is a contrast to their website’s weak look, and again makes me wonder what the hell went wrong with the layout here.

Let’s Talk About Those Games

Besides the bonuses, Sloto Cash also entices new users with a scrolling list of the Latest Winners. I don’t think these are all the winners, but rather the big winners, because their names are all listed beside dollar values in the tens of thousands. The chick at the top of the list, Keli, has scored $50,230 on Goldbeard.

Naturally, Goldbeard was the first one I tried. It’s just one of the roughly 150 slot machines available. They’ve got 3-reel, 5-reel, and 6-reel games in pretty much every theme imaginable.

They’ve also got a selection of classic table games and an even bigger selection of video poker. There’s blackjack and baccarat, and you’ll find other classics like craps, bingo, keno and roulette filed under their Speciality games. Some stray scratch cards, board games and a shooting game round out the collection.

It’s not a terrible collection, nor is it the biggest collection of online casino games. Hell, some of these sites offer thousands of slots alone, which makes SlotoCash feel a little bit lackluster, as if that half-baked layout didn’t do the trick. (For what it’s worth, I did think the site looked better on mobile than on my laptop, and the functionality felt solid.)

The collection is a little lackluster, and the complete lack of live dealer games is another buzzkill. At the same time, I can’t stop thinking about all those big numbers on that leaderboard. I’ve made a couple of hundred bucks in the last 24 hours just sitting on the crypto I have, but maybe it’s time to use it for more traditional gambling.

If I had to name just one good reason for playing on SlotoCash.im when you’ve got so many other options out there, I’d definitely point to their big-ass welcome bonus. Slots are pretty much slots, no matter where you’re playing them and what theme you’ve chosen for the spinning icons, but those bonuses can vary wildly. Sloto Cash gives you a lot of extra bang for your buck, from that welcome bonus to the different weekly and monthly coupon codes. If you don’t need any fancy shit with your online fruit machines, just decent odds and the chance to win money, those bonuses will keep you happy for a while.