PlayOJO

I want to Play OJO sometimes after playing with myself. As you may well know, masturbation is my primary vice, so much so that I’ve dedicated entire websites to it. The thing is, after you blow a load, there’s that recharging period where you don’t feel all that horny. Depending on how old you are and how much Viagra you’ve snorted up your nose this morning, that period could last a few minutes or as long as a few days. Why not get some extracurricular thrills and chills, not to mention monetary rewards, on the side?

PlayOJO.com calls itself “the online casino that plays fair”. That’s a pretty fucking bold statement coming from any casino. I mean, shit, I love risking a few bucks on slots or going all-in on the occasional blackjack game, but I know all too well the odds are always in the house’s favor. Real-world casinos are decked out in flashing lights and various other extravagances because they make a shit-ton of money, so I was really intrigued by OJO’s claims of fairness. They get thousands of players coming by every day, but as a man covered from the waist down in lube, I consider myself a more refined gambler than most. Let’s see what kind of betting action I can find inside.

Let’s Play OJO with ThePornDude

From the outside, PlayOJO certainly looks legit. They’ve got clean, modern vibes, with smooth color gradients, classy icons and soft-looking text all over the front page. There’s something almost wholesome about the presentation, like you aren’t coming here to risk your kid’s college fund for a chance to finally bang some high-end hookers. It looks practically kid-friendly, and there’s nothing to scare your grandma away either. I bet she’d love a shot at playing those fruit machines while chain-smoking in her wheelchair.

There’s a big banner at the top of the screen saying you get 50 free spins with your first deposit. That’s cool and all, but kind of lame compared to what a lot of the other online casinos are offering. It says right there in the fine print that free spins are valued at just €0.10 a pop. Contrast that to all the sites that are straight-up doubling your deposit and it almost sounds like a waste of time.

Then again, maybe it somehow ties in with Play OJO’s big claims of fairness. I know that sounds crazy, even to me, but there could be something to it. There’s a section on the landing page where they address the issue of what supposedly makes them the UK’s fairest online casino. One of their bullet points is that there are no wagering requirements. On sites where you get big deposit bonuses, there’s typically some fine print saying you have to wager it a certain number of times. In other words, the other guys force you to keep betting that “free” money, your odds shrinking which every throw.

Tying back in with the same point, all bonus wins are paid in cash, versus getting play money that you can only bet with. There’s no maximum win for free spins on PlayOJO, either, and there are no withdrawal restrictions. I was ready to call out the fairness thing as pure marketing bullshit, but those are some legitimate perks that you don’t necessarily get on every online casino.

Nudists Welcome, Americans Not So Much

One of the things that excited me about PlayOJO right away was that even though they talk about being the UK’s fairest online casino, I was able to see the site from the US without having to use a VPN. Well, after letting me fill out the whole damn signup form, I got a message saying, “Due to legal regulations, OJO’s world of play is not available to players residing in your country.”

I turned my VPN on and tried again from servers in London and Manchester. I’m not sure if it was a glitch or intentional security feature, but I kept getting hung up on the phone number stage; each time, it told me my UK phone number was invalid for my country. I finally had luck creating an account on a VPN server in Canada, using a Canadian address generator to make sure I seemed legit.

Sorry, Americans, but if you want to Play OJO, you’re going to need to use a VPN. If you’re unfamiliar with what they are or how they work, check out my writeups of the best ones here at ThePornDude. They make it look like you’re browsing the web from wherever in the world you like, so you can access shit that ain’t available in your country. The downside is that you’re probably violating OJO’s terms of service, which can potentially lead to issues somewhere down the line. A lot of players do it anyway, but you could always try a different casino from my list if you want to feel safer.

Then again, part of gambling’s thrill is the risk. After I got signed up, I made my way to the deposit page to see what my options were. They’ve got a nice selection of deposit/withdrawal methods like Visa, Mastercard, PayPal, Skrill and eWallets like Neteller. In other words, you can gamble with pretty much any type of money you’ve got, including the big cryptos. Maybe it’s time to shuffle some of my doge winnings over to BTC, so it’s easier to put in the machine.

When you’re getting ready to deposit, you’ll notice the fees for each payment method listed below the icon. In every case, it’s a cool 0.0%. For most transactions, PlayOJO.com doesn’t tack on any fees. The big exception I can see is for the players who, for some fucking weird unknown reason, want a wire transfer when you withdraw. It’s going to take a lot longer, too, but it’s your money, grandpa. Online wallets are the way to go if you want same-day transactions; otherwise, you’re looking at 2 to 7 business days for withdrawals.

Digging Into the Games and Bonuses

I’d heard that PlayOJO.com doesn’t offer bonuses, but they do, just not those big deposit bonuses you get elsewhere. As soon as you sign up, you can get an optional tour of some of these perks, like the OJO Plus bucks that build up whenever you play. There are also regular rotating bonuses like you find on other sites under the Kickers tab.

Personally, I was ready to play. Now, if you’ve done any homework on the site, you’ll find PlayOJO has a reputation for having good games. It’s because they choose good software companies; none of these casinos are making their own slots. You get a real casino vibe browsing their hundreds of virtual slot machines, which include the usual Greek, Arabian, cowboy and medieval fantasies, plus some sweet rock and roll games with Ozzy Osbourne, Motorhead, Guns and Roses and Jimi Hendrix.

They’ve also got a big selection of table games, both virtual and with live dealers. Play OJO doesn’t fuck around with a bunch of boring, redundant versions of the automated ones, keeping the selection to traditional favorites like American and European blackjack, a handful of video poker games and a room of roulette tables. I think most of their games are live, and like how they’ve put so much effort in that direction.

They’ve even got scratch play and jackpots if you’re into that really low-effort style of gambling. Really, the only big omission you’ll find here is the lack of sports betting. The tradeoff is that OJO’s casino is a lot stronger than the ones you’ll find on sites where you can bet a hundred on who’s going to win tonight’s ball-kicking contest.

PlayOJO.com is an unusual joint because while most of the competitors offer big deposit bonuses as a major incentive to play, one of the gimmicks here is you don’t get those bonuses. That ultimately leads to fewer restrictions on what you do with what you win, which can potentially mean bigger payouts—you cash out when you want, not when you hit that goddamn wager minimum. This is a good place to check out if those restrictions annoy you, or if you’re just looking to kill some time playing slots.